NOMZAMO

chapter 5

Nomzamo's POV

Roses are red
Violets are blue
And my life is on a standstill

One who made this saying"What you reap you shall sow".I killed my father and  Angie Jones killed my mother.I have informed the family members now they'll have to show up for the funeral as there is insufficient space to accommodate all these people. Jones the white lady had given me the money for the funeral arrangements .Mom will arrive today later on from the morgue. I will dress her in her wedding gown as she'd been happy on her wedding day so this will make it less hurtful. She will be buried next to my late father.
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Later on mother arrived in her coffin and I had to give her a bath.She looked so peaceful.I finished giving her a bath and made her wear her bridal dress.This was one of the worst things I had to do but I had to remain strong. The worldsm doesn't care whether you feeling blue or happy it just continues fulfilling it's job and that is to spin around till it completes 365 1/4 days.Days also change they do not wait for your pain to ease.They say as time goes on we heal but I don't think that I will ever heal.I am stuck in the corridors and everything is blurry or maybe it's just an illusion.It seemed so long that I felt like I had no one yet I had me .I had Nomzamo and I had to support her inner self and not disappoint her.Giving up will cost me a lot and that is not how life should be.You fall seven times and you stand eight.
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It was morning already around 04h00 .I had to wake to start preparing myself mentally and physically to finally put my mother to her final resting place. It sounded so easy yet it was difficult letting her go .I mean I don't think that I will accept her leaving me so easily.It was so easy when I told my mother how I killed my father but I never knew the pain the other person endured due to the loss of a loved one.
It took me an hour to get ready ,all the responsibilities were on my shoulders.My estranged family members wanted nothing to do with my mother and at the same time it was for a good cause.Who would want family members like mine they are just wolves in a sheep's clothing.
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3 hrs later...
We arrived at the venue where the service was going to be held.It looked so breathtaking  more like her wedding. When Angie Jones said that she'll give my mother a dignified funeral and I thought she was bluffing but I give her the credit.
We sat down and the Priest had been there.He mentioned a few words of comfort that "We are visitors on this Earth and we are here to fulfill our purposes  once we are done with these purposes God takes us back where we belong with him ".In my mind it rang words that :
"Did my mom ever fulfill  her purpose as she was suddenly taken by God and I  remembered who am I to question God."

Aunty Nobarbedwire:hayke sana lwam unina wakho ubenemelai hayini ,jonga ibhokisi yakhe ikhangeleka iyadura ngokuqinisekileyo silindele umyolelo kumama wakho mhlawumbi iimoto zakhe, indlu kunye nemali elungiselelwe wena Nomzamo.( It looks like your mother had money, just look at her coffin.Surely there's a will waiting for you saying you have ownership of the the assets)
Nomzamo:Whoever you are or what hole you crawled out of please go back there or I'll talk in your preferred language ,buyela kulaa mngxunya uphume kuwo makazi(Go back to the hole you crawled out from aunty ).Can I just bury my mom in peace and solace please. I don't need all of this

Nomzamo's POV
I was so glad that everything was almost over. The Priest gave me an opportunity to saya few words before we bury her.

Dear mom:
I'm sorry if I was not the best daughter you wanted me to be.I wanted to stand against the treatment and discrimination you faced each every single day.I still remember your words "funda mntanami, ungafani nami ".I thought you were just carving me and live your dreams through me now I realised that it was love.To even think that on the day you departed I had got a job at the coffee shop.I was so proud of myself and relieved that you'd have less worries .I never appreciated you all my life but now death decided to rob me of  that one person I'd thought that they would be with me through trials and tribulations maybe it was just a lesson for me to appreciate someone by telling them you love them everyday or every minute of it so that you don't recite your regrets like a poem on the podium clinging to that memory you have of them . It dawned to me that I'll be left with bitter memories of you in my mind replaying themselves like  broken records or maybe it's just regrets. I love  you QHAWEKAZI  lam(i love you my heroin) .Lala ngoxolo(rest in peace)
Priest:Thank you dearest ,we will all prepare to go to the cemetery to lay our beloved.
 
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We were at the cemetery to lay her at her final resting place. Whoever said dark was to be worn at a funeral clearly understood the meaning. It felt as if we were sending off the person so that we forget they ever existed with  black clothes. It felt dark yet it was broad day light .The clouds also seemd burdened as if they could relate to what we felt .I'd never forget this day, one of our own removed from the place of this Earth.There were sobs and some honestly felt or rather say pierced through my ears  they sounded so fake.I couldn't cry anymore ,I didn't have it in me to cry like a maniac.Silence and pain consumed me .I felt as if I was lost in a world of darkness with no escape. I saw the fading corridors yet had no idea where I was or maybe it was just my mind trying to escape from reality. It never worked  it would have killed me and I would end up hallucinating so I had to control my sub-conscious. The coffin became layered into the ground  ,she was really dead and not coming back.A part of me wanted to accept that she's gone and a part of me didn't want to.With or without my mother life had to go on.The teacher doesn't wait for you when you late to start the lesson and that is how life is.Nobody waits for you to heal or wake up to continue living their lives. It had no manual .Nomzamo you were left alone to fend and fight for yourself.That is how my day ended. I never touched the food. Everything was out of place without my mother.