What To Tell You If I Already Lost You [L.S]

forty one days until the wedding

Forty-one days until the wedding.

> MIDNIGHT RAIN <

Louis.
You had to make a huge scandal out of the last letter, didn't you?

I told you, don't react to it and it would have been the end. I wanted to put an end to this. For the both of us.

Don't you see I'm trying to protect your marriage?

Yeah, as unreal as that sounds.

Why couldn't you just let go?
Ignore them. Ignore me just like you have been doing since you broke up with me.

Why do you suddenly care?
Why do you suddenly make a huge deal out of this? I was just trying to find some closure. To come to terms with the fact that you're marrying someone that's not me.

Isn't this what you wanted? To get married, to find a husband and settle for the rest of your days? Well, you got it! Congratulations.

So now, don't act surprised that I'm trying to move on too. I held on to you for so long, and I'm finally letting go. You shouldn't care.

Just like you didn't care when I was aiming higher in my career, when I was making my own name. I was chasing my dream, Louis. And you knew it.
I just asked you to understand me. To understand that I needed time. That I couldn't settle, that I couldn't stay the same. I was chasing a better version of myself, and you didn't like it.

I never thought it could lead to a break up. I thought you also wanted me to be happy and that you believed in me. That you believed I could make it.

I didn't think that the need to marry at a young age was such a dealbreaker for you.
I was only twenty four, Louis. We still had time.

And it's not like I didn't want to be yours. I wanted to. I was yours, Louis.
I was yours but we both wanted different things I guess.
And you couldn't wait for me to be ready. And I couldn't put my career on hold.

I don't think anyone's to blame here. But we could have gotten through it. We could have found a way.
Breaking up just wasn't what I wanted. Or even what we needed.

You wanted a picture-perfect family. And I couldn't give you that for the time being, I get it. Maybe I broke your heart first.
Some nights I think that's a possibility too.
I just expected you to fight for us more, I guess.

I had to give away all those dreams that I also had of dying next to you, of having a ring on my finger that only said your name. I gave away that life we had planned just because you wanted it faster. Just because you thought my rising career should be in second place.

Well, in the end we both got just what we wanted. I guess.
You now have a future husband, and I have my recognition.
So, stop thinking of me. Stop caring.

If you put an end to us, you just had to leave it like that.
But you couldn't.

And I won't. Because now that you showed me you care, now that you told our friends that my letters are causing you pain and doubts and guilt, now is when I'm going to start insisting.
Now is when I decided I'm going to keep doing this until you meet me face to face again.

Until you tell me you don't love me, you don't need me, you don't care about me.
If you have the courage, that's it.

You can blame whoever you want. But I still think about you. And I still care.
And you just proved to me I can't give up on something that was as wonderful as the sunshine and the spring. Because you care too.

Until the next letter, Louis.

"This is gold." - Niall said, reading over the letter.

"Niall! I told you not to read it!"

"I'm sorry!" - He laughed. - "But damn! Harry, you sound so mad. It's genius. This whole thing is genius!"

"Stop reading it, asshole!"

"Okay, okay." - He shoved the letter inside the pocket of his jacket and raised his hands in surrender.

"Just give it to him." - I rolled my eyes, grabbing my cup of coffee and returning to my desk.

"Wait. Are you working?"

"Just reading. You're welcome to stay if you want." - I shrugged. - "Just don't expect me to be on host mode for you."

"Nah." - He chuckled. - "How was Canada by the way?"

"We just spend all the time in the set or the hotel, so as usual. Busy, I guess." - I shrugged.

"Are you leaving again soon?"

"No. We're filming the rest of the movie here."

"Cool. When are you filming again?"

"Past tomorrow. Why?" - I frowned.

"Nothing." - Niall smirked.

"Niall." - I raised an eyebrow.

"Okay." - He rolled his eyes. - "I was thinking..."

"Go on."

"That since you are telling Louis to meet you face to face..."

"No."

"We could trick him into meeting you!"

"No. Niall. The whole point of the letter is that it has to come from him! Not trick him."

"But he will never do it! And the wedding is only a month and a half away! We need to speed things up a little."

"No." - I said firmly.

"Harry!" - He whined. - "C'mon. You clearly want to see him."

"On his terms. I want to see him if he wants the same."

"But he's not going to just randomly show up at your door, will he? He needs a little push."

"Don't." - I sighed, resting my head on my hands. - "I know him. And he won't like to be ambushed. It'll make everything go to shit." - I said. - "If he wants to see me, he'll find a way to reach out to me and... I don't know, we'll figure it out. But please Niall, just try to be out of the way. Because this just got really personal and intense. And knowing Louis, he needs time to think of his next move."

"What if this letter is not enough though? What if we keep losing days and he won't meet with you?"

I lifted my head, looking at Niall again.

"Do you remember you used to say that Louis would do whatever the fuck he wanted without caring for anyone else but, when it came to me, he would be rational and careful and thoughtful?"

"Yeah."

"Well, right now, I'm counting on that."