Nobody Says It's Easy

20

"You did what!" Lou Edna screamed "What were you thinking? No wait. I know the answer. You weren't thinking, were you? Hadley! This is Beanie we're talking about here. You bend over backwards and walk on your hair for him. This was supposed to be a getaway to vegetate and relax not a romp and stomp log roll in Big Lick Creek."

"Come on, Lou. Give me a break."

"A break? That was supposed to be what you were giving me. Now, we'll be babysitting the village idiot, and I won't get a minute's rest."

"Isn't that a little harsh?" Hadley asked.

"Harsh? The man can hardly tie his shoes."

"You're being ridiculous."

"I am not. But I know how you feel about him. I just never have figured out why you have such a soft spot for him. It's like when Beanie's in the picture, Lou Edna's thrown to the gutter."

"You're being childish. The only reason I'm not furious with you is because I know you've suffered a traumatic experience."

"Well, thanks for cutting me some slack. But this is horrible. Just horrible! Going off with Beanie Fugate will be like going off in a high-dollar silk negligee and beat-up brogans with knee-high neon wool hunting socks and a cow bell hanging around my neck!"

"I had to invite him. I had to."

Lou Edna's face was just before turning turnip purple.

"Now Lou, don't let your potatoes boil over. You're right. In some ways, Beanie's like a child. And so, he has a big place in my heart. But it's not how you think. I didn't hunt him up and blab we were going. Maury and I were in the kitchen. I'd told Beanie to stop by for some things I'd cooked up for him. He popped in. I couldn't deny we weren't going. And the look on his face was breaking my heart."

"That's all I need, Hadley. It isn't enough that my nerves are shot through with more holes than a ten-foot-tall paper turkey billboard at the volunteer fire department's Thanksgiving turkey shoot. It isn't enough that I'm so tense I'd turn to dust if you so much as look sideways at me. I'm having a meltdown here. Do you hear me? And you have to go and invite Beanie Fugate! Of all people. Beanie Fugate! I don't believe it! I just don't believe it! I wouldn't have any luck if it just wasn't plain rotten low-down kismet. And I should have known you'd go blabbing to everybody."

"It wasn't like that."

Lou Edna cut her eyes at Hadley.

"You just said he overheard you talking."

"But I didn't blab them! You see, Maury stopped by. We were in the kitchen. Neither one of us heard Beanie when he came in. Maury just happened to be mentioning our camping trip, and Beanie entered silently at that exact moment."

"Haven't I told you a million times to lock those doors of yours? Make him knock to get in. You're going to wake up one night and a robber or worse is going to be in your house. Goodness gracious to Gertie's gumbo. One murdered friend in my life is enough."

"You're just paranoid, Lou."

"I am not. The world's changed since we grew up, old girl. You can't be too rich or too careful. And besides that, where's he going to sleep?"

"Don't worry, Lou. Your honor's safe. He'll be bringing his own little tent and sleeping bag."

"Do you think he'll stay outdoors in the dark by himself?"

"If Beanie gets scared, I'll share that tent with him. You'll have the camper all to yourself. I promise. He won't be any trouble. I'll take care of him just like I'm taking care of you. I'll be chief chef and Beanie watcher, I promise."

Her arguments were working. She could tell she was softening up Lou Edna.

"I've cooked enough food to feed an army. All your favorites. Leather breeches with bacon. Cracklin' cornbread. Fried green tomatoes. Fried chicken. And I know you like sweets. I whipped up a hot milk cake. Muscadine pie.

"Oh, alright. But I have to say, I'd put up a real stink if I didn't want to get away so bad. Besides, he's such a pal of yours. And you'd only pout the whole time if I didn't relent and say it was okay for him to join us."

Hadley was smiling, too.

"But I'm telling you now, he'd better be house-trained or I mean it, I'm throwing a fit."

"He'll be fine."

"And the first time he leaves the commode lid up, I'm throwing a fit."

"You'll be too busy having a great time to notice whether the lid's up or not," Hadley said. "Besides, I think you're bluffing. You like Beanie as much as I do. And fits clash with pink hair."

Lou Edna threw the wadded pair of short socks she held at Hadley. Hadley dodged the bullet.

"Come on," she said, "let's get that camper packed so we can get on the road."

They worked steadily and quickly stored everything they'd need.

Lou Edna's camper was based on the teardrop style. It was bigger than a true teardrop, but not by much. In the front, there were two benches with a small table in the middle. The table dropped down and made the bed that would sleep one person comfortably and two snuggly.

A counter and with a small stainless steel sink ran down the side opposite the door. A built-in microwave served as the camper's stove. A small dorm refrigerator stood beside the camper's door. At the rear was a tiny shower and commode situated in a space smaller than Tom Thumb's closet.

Compact and adorable.

Just enough space for one.

Tight for two.

Impossible to fit three.

Good thing Beanie would be spending his time outside.

To get Lou Edna to pare down to the minimum and pack light was a Herculean task. Hadley was worn out, but Lou Edna finally relented. She agreed to leave most of her gear at home in the 1957 Spartan Executive Mansion.

The camper was packed and ready to go.

"I'll carry all the coolers and food in the car," she said. "I'm swinging by Beanie's and throwing his stuff in. I'll light at home and toss in my junk. I should be back here right around suppertime. Don't worry about supper. I've already fixed some light snacks to eat on the way."

"I think I'll treat myself to the spa treatment while I wait on you," said Lou Edna.

"Good idea. But go light on the wine coolers. Mellow's fine, but I don't want you sloshed. You'll scare Beanie."

"Mellow but not tipsy," said Lou Edna. "Relaxed but not sloshed. Maybe I can handle that."