Nobody Says It's Easy

27

"Relax, you guys," Hadley said. "I'll take care of getting us checked in."

Hadley walked inside the tiny office. Beanie opened the car door.

"Beanie," said Lou Edna, "what are you doing?"

"Nothing," he said.

"Don't you wander off and get yourself lost," Lou Edna said. "I'm just working up an appetite, and I don't want to spend half the night hollering your name because you wandered off into the woods and couldn't find your way back."

"Oh, don't worry about that," Beanie said. "I've got a perfect sense of direction. And besides, it's pretty hard to get lost as long as I've got a glowing, pink beacon to guide me home."

Lou Edna, in the middle of a gigantic toe massage in the front side passenger seat of Old Betsy, did not catch Beanie's reference to her new hairdo.

"Don't get out of sight of this car, Beanie," she said, working on the other foot and kneading her bunions with both hands.

Hadley had a pamphlet in her hand. She waved Beanie back to the car.

"Get in, Bean. I sweet-talked the owner into letting us park on the other side of the campground. I think you're going to love it."

"Please tell me you haven't booked our spot next to the petting zoo or Simpleton's Row," Lou Edna said.

"Give me a break. Will you? I'm trying to make the best of a bad situation."

"Best of a bad situation," said Lou Edna. "What are you saying? Ow! Watch the pot holes, will you? Boy, these doggies are killing me."

"I tried to get you to wear your sneakers, but you said those heels matched your outfit perfectly," said Hadley. "I don't understand, Lou Edna. You're in the car. Nobody except Beanie and me would see your shoes."

"We stop off at gas stations and rest stops for pottie breaks. We could have a wreck, you know," Lou Edna said, still massaging her toes. "I have to look good."

"So you're telling me you want to look good for the toilet cleaning crew at the service stations and for the EMS crew?"

"Honey, they have some pretty sweet hunks on those rescue crews. Look at Ham Hudson from the Bleakest Peak Fire Station. That's one honey dew of a volunteer, if you ask me."

"And what about the meat wagon?" Hadley asked.

Lou Edna frowned.

"If we did have a wreck, who's to say you'd not be one of the ones riding off into the sunset."

"Let's not talk about this, okay?" Lou Edna said. "I'm tearing up thinking about Crusty. But I get your point. I just don't buy it. I still believe a girl's gotta look her best."

"Uh-huh."

What kind of campground is this?" said Lou Edna.

"I've never seen anything like it," Hadley said. "The sun's going to set soon. We can't waste time. I hate trying to setup in the dark."

"Uh-huh," said Lou Edna. "But you still haven't answered my question."

"Well," said Hadley, "the right words seem to fail me at the moment."

"Oh, gosh," said Lou Edna.

They were driving around winding graveled paths. There was a lake with a large pavilion, empty and deserted. There was a small wooden building with a large painted sign atop that read: Best Hamburgers 10₵ - Hot Dogs 5₵.

"Must be a package deal – food discount with the camp site fee," mumbled Lou Edna. "My granny used to talk about grub that cheap. We must have hit this place at a slow time. I wonder if the health department shut down the grill? Ptomaine. E.coli. All those nasty little no-see-ums. Like a hundred years ago. Why isn't this place packed?"