Kids, thanks for choosing us to be your moms.

XVI. Carnal Lust

102

Chapter 5

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Carnal Lust

(Sorry kids you may not want to read this. Love Mom)

I always loved Beauty and the Beast as a child. When I reached my adolescence I began to revolt against Disney princesses and what they stood for. Belle while didn't start out as a princess became one after marrying Prince Adam. My adolescent brain took the story and twisted it down to its bare bones. A young girl too smart for her own good has to chase after her dementia-ridden father as he quite stupidly manages to find himself in a castle that has supposedly sat dormant for what feels like several hundred years (after a quick Google search I learned it was only a year that dear Prince Adam was a beast) after being locked up Belle finds him and makes a simple trade. Him for me. I would have personally left the old man at that point but thats just me.

Belle is a prisoner to this man and is forced to live in this castle and do as the Beast says. As the fairytale progresses like many other stories stockholm syndrome begins to set in and Belle falls for the Beast who has her captive. A bunch of stuff happens a douchebag comes to "rescue" her (aka get in her pants) and Beast nearly dies; true love kiss happens and yatta yatta.

Mind you this is the mindset of an adolescent, not the woman sitting here today. Christina Aguilera put out the song Unless It's With You back in 2018 when Jo and I had been married for around a year. Some of the lyrics read: I don't want no white picket fence/Dozen roses and a wedding dress/Fairy tales are fake happiness/But here we are and I must confess/Yeah, I'm in over my head feeling confused/I'm losing my mind, don't know what to do/'Cause I don't want to get married/Unless it's with you, unless it's with you.

The song resonated with not only myself but Jo as well. The woman had fortified walls miles high and canyons thick and I found myself scaling them every day in hopes of getting to the core of who she is. I found through her my view on Beauty and the Beast changed because while she may argue (sorry kids) that I tended to be more beasty it was in fact her who was at times both the Beauty and the Beast.

Over time Belle quickly went from a naive idiotic child to a strong-willed, selfless woman who was willing to give up even her own freedom for her family. Beast went from a broodish prick to a misunderstood, hard-hearted broken young man who never truly saw what unconditional love looked like. Until of course a woman with seemingly everything to lose chose to do one selfless act and switch places with her father. Over time the two began to learn from one another until all the wounds were on the table and they saw each other for what they truly were.

Human.

I believe that is the truest form of intimacy. Laying one's heart in someone's hands hoping they dont destroy it. There is another form of intimacy that others dont always agree with me on.

Carnal lust

The definition of Carnal lust is something separate from God. Something so animalistic with instinctual roots. I think for something to be truly carnal it must be the closest to God.

•••

Forty-three. Elizabeth thought, her wife was forty-three and had been for narrowly a year. It has been a little over a year since they had moved to Georgia and all was well in the Olsen house. Years of unrest in their twenties and thirties has finally stopped and they have settled into a domesticity Lizzie never thought they would find. Lizzie was currently sitting at the vanity in her closet. The mirror was positioned in such a way she could just barely see Jo. Josephine was just as ethereal as the day she had met her. Loving Jo, and being loved by Jo was a luxury. It was like being wrapped in the finest silk, drinking the oldest wine. Jo was braced against their balcony a crystal tumbler with a crushed bottom. Jo was in a baby blue slip with lace edges along the bottom. Lizzie knew it was a low-cut v-neck. She had run her fingertips along the silk enough times to commit it to memory. Jo was like a proverb -steady- the word never changing yet every time you read it the meaning evolves. Her wife was nothing short of magical. Jo had more lines etched upon her, crowfeet around her eyes from long hours at computer screens, laugh lines from years of smiles, her scars were faded and her tattoos weren't as bright as they once were. Hey, eyes were just as bright as her hair was fading from a rich blonde to a light white. Her skin was still taut but felt different under her touch. Lizzie stood from the vanity having just finished removing all her jewelry and cleaning her face. Lizzie walked out onto the balcony her footsteps were light as she walked over to Jo. Jo turned slightly stepping back so Lizzie could step into her arms. Lizzie wrapped her hands around Jo's neck as Jo encircled her waist. "Hello Mrs. Olsen," Jo said sweetly her southern accent was back and it was one of Lizzie's favorite things.