Is there a road back to the way we were?

Chapter 100

Zayden enters his brother's room a few hours later. The storm hasn't yet given up and Onyx hasn't come down since arriving home so their mother sent him up to check on him.

"Onyx, you there?" he asks as he opens the door.

He sees his brother's shivering frame lying on the floor, his clothes wet and hair damp. Rushing to him, he sits him up and searches for a towel and dry clothes.

"Onyx, what happened?" He sets the towel and clothes on the bed then begins removing his wet clothes, wondering how long Onyx was in the rain for. "Look at you. You're going to fall ill."

"Zayden," he says groggily, shrugging off his shirt. "It's cold. I feel so cold."

"You need to take a shower. I'll get the water running." He leaves the room and Onyx curls up for a moment, just wanting to forget about everything.

****

Onyx joins his mother and Zayden downstairs, the clock reading 2.37am.

"How are you feeling, honey?" she asks. "How long were you out in the rain? I told you to take your coat but you didn't and then you didn't even change out of your wet clothes after! If Zayden had done this you would've been fuming."

Smiling at her gentle scolding, he casts his eyes downwards. "I'm fine. I went to the park to meet Zephyr, Fawn and Emmeryn. It started raining on my way back."

"You should've washed up straight away."

"I know. I'm sorry I worried you."

"It's late. Let's head to bed now. The moving vans are coming in the morning." She stands up and heads to the door. "Are you both coming?"

"In a bit."

"Okay, don't stay down too late." She goes upstairs, her footsteps receding the further away she gets and then a door opens and closes.

Closing his eyes, Onyx leans back in his seat and lets out a sigh. Thinking back, maybe he should've handled things better. Though they most likely already knew, if he himself had told them sooner instead of so last minute, maybe it wouldn't have hurt them so much. They all could've prepared for it and had a happy farewell. He wouldn't have broken their hearts. He can't get the image of all of them staring at him with so much pain out of his mind, the sound of Emmeryn's cries, the warmth from Zephyr's hug and Fawn's jokes in an attempt to lighten the mood. No, had he been thinking properly, it never would've ended this way.

Too much. It's too much to handle. He's had multiple breakdowns since the accident, trying and failing to act on autopilot, to not think about anything, to not feel anything and this was the last straw. What is he supposed to do now? How is he meant to carry on?

His mother and Zayden are right. They need to get out. A fresh start is what they all need. A new place, rural and surrounded by nature where no one knows them, save for his estranged uncle. Hopefully, he can heal there and find himself again.

"Onyx, are you sure you're fine?"

Oh yeah, Zayden's still in the room. "I don't know...I keep telling myself I will be. I really messed up earlier. Why did I wait till the last minute to tell them we're moving?"

"It took me a while to inform Dewi too."

"You didn't leave it last minute though!" he bursts out. "I feel so horrible right now. As cold as I was to them as kids I've never hurt them this much before."

"Listen, don't beat yourself up. Zephyr and Fawn are your closest friends. Emmeryn's your girlfriend. Of course they'll feel sad that you're moving but as long as you keep in touch with them, it won't be so painful anymore. Isn't that how it is with your uni friends now?"

"You're right but still...had I told them sooner they would've had time to process it. I kept delaying it because I was scared."

"Call them and explain properly," he suggests calmly. "They might have already known from their parents and were just waiting for you to say it."

"No I...I can't." He doesn't want to hear their broken voices as they tell him they're not mad and that they understand and are still there for him whenever he needs them. It's because they're so good to him that the guilt is eating away at him. They'd always been better to him than he'd ever been to them. It hadn't hurt this much when they'd all moved for university because there was always the certainty that they'd still be together even when apart but now...nothing is certain anymore since he might never come back. "How did Dewi react when you told him?"

"Upset but he understands. Since we're both at uni now and don't see each other as often anymore, it was easier to break it to him. He made me promise I'll still come to visit." Zayden shrugs. "Onyx...it's not the end of the world. How often have you guys seen each other since uni? Just because we won't be here, doesn't mean your ties with them are cut forever."

"Mmm." Though he knows Zayden is right, it doesn't stop him from replaying the scene in his mind over and over. "I just don't want to lose them."

"You won't."