scourge (On-hold)

53

AN AUTANMAMA BOOKS COLLECTION📓📚📖
WRITTEN BY: khadyjatt

SCOURGE

CHAPTER 53

Hatred is a word used to convince ourselves that we are above certain people when in reality we just hate ourselves, we hate people because we envy them or sees them as threat but for Malik, it's neither of the reasons, he thought is solitude can bring peace to him convincing himself that solitary will give him the happiness he want but turns out it's far from what he expected, there's nothing good about been alone by ourself it's okay to be lonely but to be alone,
Having no one to turn to, to check on you, to tell you whatsoever you are doing is right or wrong is probably the worst experience ever,
He left Jordan he left his family he left his friends and they all let him go since that's what he wanted,
He always believed they would run back to him, they cared about him or so he thought but days, weeks, and months past he was alone, by himself doing whatsoever he wanted that he knew would bring nothing to him but grief, he would die but he doesn't care,
What's there to live for when he failed to reciprocate the same feelings to the people who most care about him, he was loved but he never loved in return, he has cared but he didn't show concern in return,
He was everyone's first priority whereas he was his first priority bitter truth but sadly yes he was selfish,
His phone would ring but he wouldn't even look let alone answer other days it would ring endlessly but he refused to glance let alone answered the called but eventually it stops ringing for days and then weeks and now it's been miserably 4months since he left.

Nigeria isn't so friendly to him especially with the hammatern, he's been sick aside that he's been overdosing his pills and has been using fentanyl quite often to REM sleep himself which initially it's dangerous since he was insomniac he was diagnosed numerous of time and was one of the reason he got so addicted to his pills in the first place, so him using fentanyl along side all those neuroleptic is certainly very risky and could potentially kill him, he knows that but he just doesn't care because he sees no reason to be alive when he is incapable of doing the right thing, he thought of Falak he thought of her a lot and regardless how bad he want to blamed her for his misery he couldn't, he thought of all the pains he's inflicted on her physically, he can't comprehend how emotional distraught she is, he's fucked up big time and he knows it but admitting to his mistake is the most difficult part of all this,

He's currently laying on the floor staring at the spinning ceiling or so he thought, he's successfully try the fentanyl and xylazine combo and he's certain he wouldn't make it to tomorrow, Goodness what he was thinking because he doesn't want to be call an addict but he is an addict he knows that but he never wanted it to escalated to this point,
He roll on his back and try to sit but failed, he cannot die in this situation, he would rather call his family than addiction should be the caused of his dead but he try numerous of time to sit he failed but when he successfully sit upright everywhere bus blurry and spinning to him until he passed out.

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No one talks about Malik, no one want to bring it because no one want to be hurt, his mum left she left for Riyadh with the baby blaming his dad for whatever it is that happened, fu'ad left with her but he came few times to see his dad and he was heartbroken how there once happy family broken all because of a single mistake a mistake that can be resolve with talk of only Malik hasn't overreacted to it, he was sitting in the parlor waiting for his dad,
There mum has been sick for the past two weeks ,
Stress, anxiety low and high BP she just kept getting health crisis and it's all because of Malik but she said not to called him moreover his phones are all dead,
He feel bad for there mum and he wished he can strangle Malik, even though his dads has been there numerous of time to see her but she decline but today fu'ad feel that his dad is needed because his mum need someone to be by herself at this crucial time,