In every one of us. || Nick + Charlie

4- Sex is cool

"Yeah I don't know- Nick, when did you start having sex with Charlie?" Christian asked.
"Sorry, what?" First thing he hears when he switches universes.
"When did you and Charlie start having sex? I'm just not sure when the right time is"
"Uh.."
"Wait, have you?"
"No uh..guess not- but I think that should be whenever the two of you are comfortable with the idea, there really isn't a specific time to"
"Huh..yeah, you're right, thanks mate"
"Yeah."

~

"So she said no because..?"
"Basically she thinks we're going to have sex, but we haven't even discussed that yet"
"Why is that such a bad thing though? Having sex"
"I know right? Totally homophobic. She acts like she didn't do anything when she was our age," Charlie rolled his eyes.
"My Mum's alright with it, maybe she can have a chat with yours? We're only cuddling really..and well, making out"
"That might work actually, your Mum is like everyone's role model"
"Including yours?"
"She's actually my hero, I want to be like her when I grow up"
"Yeah, she is pretty amazing.." Nick smiled fondly at the thought of her.

"Uh..so about having that discussion"
"Discussion about..?"
"Sex"
"Oh"
"Have you formed any thoughts or feelings about that yet?" Charlie fidgeted with the ends of his sleeves.
"Uhm..I don't know, what were you thinking?" God should he really be having this conversation right now? This wasn't his Charlie.
"Well..I don't want to discuss it if you're not ready to"

Oh no. Why does he feel so terrible? Like complete shit. What's he supposed to do?

"Charlie, you're allowed to voice your feelings about it, you don't have to wait for me"
"Well I just..never mind," he shook his head.
"No, it's okay, what's wrong?"
"What do you think about sex Nick?"
"Like..as a whole? Or in our relationship?"
"Both I suppose"
"I..it's..it's cool, yeah.."
"It's cool?"
"Yeah, I guess"
"You guess?"
"I..I don't know..am I supposed to know? I feel confused about it all really..I'm sorry. You deserve an answer but I just don't know- I need to think about it some more..is that alright?"
"Yeah. We'll get back to it when you've figured it out"

~

Nick sat in his living room with his Mum and Nellie, they were having a movie night, or they were supposed to be, it was taking them longer than usual because Nick was being incredibly unhelpful. His Mum was going on about ideas and that, but Nick wasn't really paying much attention, he was thinking about the conversation he had with Charlie earlier, he felt really bad.

"So what do you think about legally blonde?"
"Yeah that's..that's fine Mum.."
"Nick, is something wrong?" She set down the remote.
"I'm scared."
"Scared? What's happened?"
"I feel that I know something, but I don't want to upset Charlie. I don't want him to think that I don't love him, because I do, but he's waiting for an answer- and I don't want to say it and it hurt him. I don't know what to do." Tears unwilling flooded his eyes, she placed a hand on his back.
"I think you should tell him, it's the right thing to do, and if he truly loves you as well, he'll understand."
"I-I really don't want to hurt him Mum." He sniffled, she brought him into a hug.
"I know love," she kissed the top of his head.

~

What's wrong with me? Why can't I just be normal.

What even is normal? You're allowed to be your own person, there are no rules to how you feel inside.

I'm broken. I should just tell Charlie it's alright, I should just stick through it for him.

No. Charlie wouldn't like that, he wouldn't feel good about it if you didn't tell him the truth. It's better to tell him than to damage yourself for the sake of someone else.

What if he doesn't like me anymore? What if he wants to break up because I can't give him that?

He won't. Charlie loves you as much as you love him, you'll be okay.

I'm scared.

I know.

-

"So you and Charlie really haven't? I thought you would've-"
"Christian, what did we say about boundaries?" Sai raised his eyebrows.
"Right- sorry Nick"
"It's alright, and no, we haven't..and honestly, I don't think I really want to"
"With him?"
"With anyone, ever"
"I think there's a name for that, Sai, what was it again?" Otis turned to him.
"Asexual"
"What's asexual?" Christian asked, genuinely curious.
"Basically what Nick just said, no sex, ever," Otis answered.
"People think that sex is always a definite thing in a relationship, like it'll happen eventually, but you don't have to ever do it if you don't want to, and it'd be okay. Sex isn't everything, you don't need it to make your relationship complete, it's a thing you can choose to do if you're interested," Nick said, knowing other Nick had heard him because he felt like he could cry.
"I think that's really awesome, it's like your love is so strong you don't need anything else, you can just be, satisfied with how things are between the two of you," Christian smiled, the other two nodded in agreement.

Nick felt good about this now, certain that everything would work out.

~

"Hey-"
"Charlie's not home," Tori said, going to close the door.
"No, wait- do you know where he is? Or when he'll be back?"
"He's over at Tao's, they're having a movie night. He should be back in about an hour or two"
"Shit. Do you mind if I wait for him?"
"You seriously want to wait for him? Not knowing how long he'll be?"
"I have to tell him something important"
"Why not just go over to Tao's to tell him then?" Nick shook his head.
"It's a private matter"
"Right, fine, whatever. But you're going to have to explain this to my parents if they come back and you're still here"

Tori let him in, Nick waited in Charlie's bedroom, falling asleep on his bed about thirty minutes in.

~

"Nick," someone shook him gently.
"Mm." He hid his face in the pillow.
"Nick wake up, why are you sleeping in my bed?"
"Charlie..?" He turned to look at him, just barely opening his eyes.
"Who else would it be? You've come over to my house and into my room, to have a nap in my bed apparently?" He sat beside him.
"No..no I had to tell you something, I was waiting for you, but I guess I accidentally fell asleep," Nick sat up, rubbing his eyes.
"Yeah I can see that, what was it you had to tell me?"
"It's about..it's about having sex"
"Oh- hold on," he got up, having a peek outside before closing the door.

"Alright, go ahead," he rejoined him on the bed.
"Charlie, I don't want you to feel like you aren't anything special, because you are, you're everything to me, and you know I'd do anything for you but..I have my limitations I suppose"
"What are you..?" Charlie tilted his head to the side, confused.
"I don't want to have sex- and it's not because I'm not ready, I don't want to have sex, ever. I don't want you to feel unwanted, like it's a you problem, because it isn't. I don't want to have sex at all, with anyone, I'm just not wired like that..I hope you understand." He kept his head down the entire time.
"Nick?"
"I'm so sorry-"
"Nick, look at me."

He hesitantly looked up. Charlie held his face in his hands, bringing their foreheads together.

"I understand," he smiled, kissing him softly.
"You're..you're not upset?" Charlie grabbed his hands, holding them in his own.
"Nick, I love you so much. Honestly I'm fine with whatever, sex, no sex, I don't really care, as long as we're together, you're my number one priority"
"And you're not just going along with it because of me? You're allowed to want to Charlie, don't let me stop y-"
"Oh shut up, I get to hold you, kiss you, tell you I love you and you'll say it back, that's enough for me. I swear to you, it's okay, now stop feeling so bad about it, there's no need," he kissed his forehead.
"I..I lo-"

His watch turned green.