Explosion; the not-so long story of the orange ninja

Cuddle Pile

I hate myself.

I hate myself.

I hate myself.

𐌉 𐋅𐌀𐌕𐌄 𐌌𐌙𐌔𐌄𐌋𐌅.

"几回日回句と 亡丹尺ヨ己."

They were right.

Nobody cares.

"と回凵 句回几'卞 日ヨし回几呂 山工卞廾 卞廾ヨ 几工几勹丹."

I didn't belong here. Not with them. Not with anybody. I'm a burden. One that nobody wants to bear.

"丹しし と回凵 句回 工己 亡丹凵己ヨ 尸尺回日しヨ冊己."

Yes.

I've had people yell at me. I've yelled at Kai. He hates me. I don't care if it was a stupid reason. I shouldn't give anyone any reason to hate me.

𐌉 𐌍𐌄𐌄𐌃 𐌕Ꝋ 𐌁𐌄 𐌁𐌄𐌕𐌕𐌄𐌐.

Or I could just disappear. Then nobody would have any more problems.

"山回尺卞廾しヨ己己."

The voices were the only things that were making sense.

"山丹己卞ヨ 回乍 己尸丹亡ヨ."

I was.

Even if I hated the voices, I hated myself more. I agreed with them.

"と回凵'尺ヨ 凵己ヨしヨ己己. ヨレヨ尺と回几ヨ 山回凵し句 日ヨ 日ヨ卞卞ヨ尺 山工卞廾回凵卞 と回凵."

I couldn't help but let a tear fall. I was useless. I should leave.

𐌉𐌕'𐌔 𐌍Ꝋ𐌕 𐌋𐌉𐌊𐌄 𐌀𐌍𐌙Ꝋ𐌍𐌄 ᏔꝊ𐌵𐌋𐌃 𐌂𐌀𐌐𐌄 𐌀𐌍𐌙Ꮤ𐌀𐌙.

My eyes fluttered open, brimming with tears, just like last night.

I would have these dreams every night.

Why?

Was there something wrong with me?

I don't have to answer that.

I found myself walking towards the boys' room again. I don't care if Kai eavesdropped again. I just wanted to tell Cole and get the weight off my shoulders.

But I know someday it would stop working.

The weight would get heavier and heavier until it was unbearable.

Then what?

The door opened, and I stepped inside. There was a small night light next to Drew's bed, creating light on his face.

"Cole?" I whispered into the darkness. No response. Just quiet snores from the others.

My breathing quickened. I couldn't see him in his bed.

"Cole isn't here," A voice said, on the top bunk.

Kai's head peered out from his bed. Of course he was awake. I wanted to leave right then and there. I didn't want to be within fifty meters of him.

"Well where is he?" I asked, the words coming out ruder than I had anticipated.

"Taking a walk."

At this time of night? I mean, Cole would be the type to do that.

I let out a shaky breath, and turned around to leave.

But I couldn't bring myself to twist the doorknob.