Our Place || Muke ✔️

21

Luke sat in his dimly lit room, his thoughts a tumultuous whirlwind and a frown on his side. Calum wasn't here, thankfully. It was nearing 10pm and he assumed the boy was out with the many friends that he had. The muted colors of the posters on his walls seemed to blur into a collage of memories and emotions. He had always known he was different, but it was only now, in the quiet solitude of his room, that he was beginning to come to terms with what that difference might mean. Ever since high school, his peers never gave him much of an easy time. They'd take one look at him, in his prestige and expensive clothes, and sneer.

Luke was used to the glances he got from people every day. It wasn't as bad in college because people grew up and he moved out of his shitty little home town and moved to California in hopes of making new friends and having a brand new reputation and it worked for a while until they saw his car, his clothes and his parents when they occasionally dropped him off. People judged him and he knew why.

As he stared out of his window at the moonlight filtering through the curtains, Luke's mind drifted back to the moment that had triggered this soul-searching journey. It had been a simple glance from a friend that had ignited the spark. That memory had been ingrained in his mind. The words that Michael had spoke about whether Luke had been jealous of Nia hung in the air like an unspoken truth, and Luke couldn't shake them. He'd never truly contemplated his sexuality before. It had always been easier to suppress his feelings, to put them in a box and hide them away. But now, alone in his room, he couldn't escape the question.

Images and memories flashed before his eyes – moments of connection with the attractive British boy that felt more profound than friendship, subtle hints of attraction he had dismissed as admiration and happiness. He realized he had been denying a part of himself for years, fearing rejection and judgment. The thing is, he was still doing it. He wasn't going to admit that maybe, just maybe, he might feel a sexual connection and attraction to another guy. He had always looked at girls that way. Sure, he had never had a girlfriend or a long lasting situation-ship with a girl before but that's because it was never the right time. He found girls attractive. But, he also found Michael attractive. Very attractive, actually.

Luke took a deep breath, trying to steady his racing heart. His reflection on his blank phone screen seemed to scrutinize him, demanding honesty. He spoke the words softly at first, as if testing their weigh. "I... I might be..." He trailed off.

He couldn't even say the word. He frustratedly threw his phone away onto his bed, watching it flip and flop down onto the floor. He groaned loudly, running a hand through his hair. Admitting it to himself was just the first step. He knew there would be challenges ahead – coming out to his friends and family, facing potential prejudice, and navigating a world that often seemed hostile to those who didn't conform to its norms. Most of all, he needed to admit it to Michael. Although the black-haired boy told Luke that he was willing to be patient, he saw the look on the boys face when Luke flinched away from his hand in public. He didn't want Michael to get hurt just because he wasn't comfortable with who he was as an individual. Maybe he was bisexual like Michael. Maybe he liked both genders and maybe that was okay.

Over the days that followed, Luke began to explore his feelings and identity with a little bit more confidence. He found solitude in talking and connecting with online communities, where he could share his experiences and learn from others who had walked a similar path. He slowly began to open up to a few online anonymous people who he would never meet and their support surprised and touched him. He really wished he could speak to somebody in real life about it but every time Michael would try and bring the topic up or touch him too much, he would shy away and shut it down. Luke didn't know what was wrong with him.

Eventually, he fell asleep. His dreams didn't make sense to him either. In his dreams, he was sat very close to somebody on his bed watching a movie. His arms were wrapped around a petite shoulder. Hair was tickling at his chin. It wasn't a man. It was a girl. It was Sierra. Luke was dreaming about the caramel haired skin girl and in his dream, they were dating. Was he happy? He wasn't sure.

Around 2 am, Luke was sound asleep, still dreaming about his weird relationship with Sierra, wrapped in his cozy blanket and lost in a dream world. But suddenly, he was jolted awake by the sound of his bedroom door slamming shut. Luke jumped, his heart raced and he swung his legs out of his bed, bleary-eyed and disoriented. He reached out and switched the bedside lamp on.

"Calum, is that you?" Luke called out, his voice groggy, running at his eyes tiredly.

Calum stumbled into their shared room, looking a bit worse for wear. He had a wide grin on his face, his hair was disheveled, and his clothes were wrinkled. It was evident he'd had a wild night and was still probably a little drunk.

"Yeah, mate, it's me." Calum slurred, struggling to keep his balance. "Sorry, sorry. Go back to sleep."

Luke sighed, rubbing his temples in frustration. Usually, he would let this kind of stuff slide. Not tonight though. After all of Luke's overthinking, he had a giant headache and wanted to just sleep it off but clearly he couldn't even do that. "Do you know what time it is?" Luke asked, trying and failing to keep his voice levelled.

Calum checked his phone, squinting at the bright screen. "Oh it's, uh, 2 in the morning." he mumbled, glancing at Luke as he kicked his shoes off lazily, nearly tripping over them.

"Exactly! I have class in the morning, Calum." Luke grumbled. "Jesus. Can't you keep it down when you come in late? You always do this."

Calum's eyes widened as if he'd just realized the situation that he had caused. He shrugged his jacket off and flopped down on his bed. "Come on, man. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up. It was just such an epic night, I lost track of time." He said in a rand.

Luke couldn't help but roll his eyes. He'd heard this excuse before. Multiple times, actually. "Just try to be a bit more considerate, okay? I never say anything to you but it's getting a bit ridiculous now."

Calum nodded, his apologetic expression sincere as he stared at Luke from his side of the room. "I promise, I'll be quieter next time." He slurred.

"You better be." Luke grumbled, shoving his legs back into his bed and getting comfy under the covers again. Their eyes met and he couldn't help but shrink down at the fact that Calum was staring straight at him. He cleared his throat, a sudden blush appearing at his lips when he realised that he had just snapped at Calum. "Thanks for understanding." He said in a small voice, a sigh escaping his lips.

"You're different." Calum suddenly mumbled into his pillow after a few moments of silence.

Luke did a double take. "What?"

Calum shrugged. "You're just... I don't know. Different. You've never really been uh, this confident before."

Luke scoffed. "Yes, I have."

Calum chuckled. "No, you really haven't. But I'm not saying it in a bad way. It's a good thing. You're standing up for yourself."

"Yeah, well..." Luke trailed off with a sigh, not really knowing what to say to his roommate.

"Maybe that punk guy you hang out with is having a good influence on your self esteem." He murmured, his eyes closing as he was obviously drifting in and out of a very drunken sleep.

"Michael?" Luke asked in a soft voice. His eyes were on the ceiling and a soft smile graced his lips. "Yeah. I guess he has been a great help."

"I can tell." Calum mumbled.

Luke glanced over at him. "He's not a punk. He just wears black. There's a difference." Luke told him in a stern voice, wanting to stick up for Michael.

"Yeah, yeah." Calum muttered.

It got quiet after that and Calum had obviously fallen asleep because soft snores escaped his lips. Luke however, couldn't go back to sleep. His mind was racing again. All he could think about was Michael. His green eyes. His pink lips. The way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. His accent. Everything about the boy was just alluring and inviting and Luke decided he wanted more. Even if he had to hide it. He didn't know why he was dreaming about being close to Sierra when he knew that the only person he wanted to be close to right now, was Michael.