Teenage Veracity

pushing people away with my words

They said words cut deeper than a knife. It's true. I never knew that I possessed such a weapon. 

I used to be careful with my words, but they're now overflowing without break, and I'm absentmindedly hurting the people I care about the most.

When you are young, every part of you is reckless. When you are young, part of you just wants to impress. 

I think I've become comfortable with the idea that I am really smart. I get so comfortable that I use it as an advantage to draw words out of my mouth that are completely offensive. 

I thought that it was fun, and it shouldn't be taken seriously because, after all, I'm just playing with words. However, I just realized that I'd hit some sensitive spots without their invitation.

I don't like the way I speak these days. I feel like I'm so proud of my knowledge and wisdom that I carelessly spit words without minding whether it will pierce them emotionally, even though I'm aware that it might hurt them. I did say it anyway. I don't know how I became so blunt and very sharp, but I disguised my words as a joke, and sometimes I'm taking it too far. I should be comforting them, not hurting them.

But the moment I've established a foundation of principles, I'm forcing it on the people around me. It frustrates me that their lives are not going the way that they should, because that's how mine is. I've spotted bad habits and bad decisions as clearly as before, and I've learned to speak my mind lately. 

From then on, I would use every opportunity to comment on everything. I just want to make their lives better through sensible talk. But they wouldn't listen, and that made me furious. How come they won't listen when I'm only doing this for their sake? I don't know how to express that I care, but my words always fall into misinterpretation.

Still, I get it. I am so blunt and true that I don't care what will happen after. We are too young, and hard-truth words are just too much for us. But they'll realize soon enough that I am right, so I still keep on doing it because, in the end, I know I am always right.

I'm not always right. I am going so far that I am neglecting their emotional state. Sometimes I only realize it when I've already said it. Sometimes the offensive words came out involuntarily, and it feels like they became a part of my personality, and I got to say that I don't like it. 

I don't like how harsh I sound, but I need to sound offensive because I don't know how to use the tone of being soft. I've raised myself to be firm, and that includes everything. I make no exception.

These days, I'm really too much. Sharing my opinions about everything just excites me too much. It's like I've finally given the key to my locked thoughts and set them free, and they are recklessly appearing out of nowhere without thinking. I know I should think first before I speak, but most moments won't let me have the room to think.

When I receive a compliment that I give out the best advice, suddenly I've become so addicted to it that I'm becoming intrusive in their personal matters without them asking me. 

I am thinking that I've established the right principles that I want to share with everyone so that we'll make the world a better place, and they will credit me for thinking such a thing that made their lives better. I'm getting ahead of myself, and it's not even in the right place anymore. I don't have the right.

It's just getting out of hand. I'm always talking and talking, and I don't even know how I can stop. I pick on people who I know I have the power to offend easily, and mostly it's the people I love. 

They won't say a thing because they know I am right, but most of the time I am wrong, and a lot of times they are hurt. We just overlooked it all together because it should be normal. I am aware that it is not normal, but I didn't even make an effort to be careful.

I should be bringing people together through my words and not letting them slip away. I thought that I was creating a tight bond with them because I could speak comfortably without fear of judgement. 

But I didn't know that when I become comfortable with a person, I am the one who's not making that person uncomfortable. It's just becoming confusing. I have all the regrets in my head, but I keep doing it. It comes out naturally, and that's not even a good thing. 

They don't deserve to be treated harshly by my words. I've stripped them of their validation for being emotional, and it's ironic because I'm best with emotions.

I hate how I speak my mind. I never knew that learning my mind's language would be this harsh. I'm becoming an annoying person. I am annoying when I speak my mind because I don't have permission to do so. It's just what I always do, and I am not proud of that.

I know I've created silent enemies. They all come together and talk discreetly about how I am continuously picking on them. They all silently cry together or alone. 

I just set off a bomb to push people away from me, and I don't even know that I've already declared an inaudible war just with my words. This is what it means to understand that words are powerful. We can use it to destroy everything we tried so hard to build, and that is scary.