Break My Heart *Tom Kaulitz Love Story*

Once and for All

"I gave him my heart, and he took and pinched it to death and flung it back to me... god that's brutal. What is this."

The monitors begin beeping louder and his voice begins to become more clear as I open my eyes. Josiah's eyes were furrowed in deep concentration as he flips through the pages of Wuthering Heights. "Josiah?" I mumble. His hand twitches as the book falls to the ground. I look around for Tom noticing he's not here.

"H-hey." He stammers pulling his chair closer. "Where's Tom?" I ask. The door opens as my dad walks in with Alysa and Austen hesitantly walking in. "Hey baby." My dad chuckles. I look past him at both of them. "Get out." I growl to her. Alysa flinches. Her eyes were swollen, her hair a mess, and she was shaking. Austen looks down at her and whispers something to her. "Jules, please." She whispers. "GET OUT!" I scream, going into a coughing fit as my throat was sore. She finally leaves.

"Dad where's Tom?" I ask him. He takes a deep breath, and sits on the bed with me holding my hand. "You're going home today." He sighs. "Your right leg, it's a little messed up. You'll need some therapy to get it back to where it was. Nothing too serious."

"You're not answering my question." I mumble looking past him at Austen who was looking at the ground. I turn to Josiah. "And why are you here?" I look at the book in his hand. "And what are you doing with that book. It's not yours. What are you even doing?" I ask, feeling my heart begin to race as I slowly start to panic. "Boys, can you leave us alone for a moment?" He asks. Josiah and Austen both leave the room.

I look at my dad, seeing his frown. "Dad what aren't you telling me?" I ask. "The baby is fine, for now. But Dr.Kasey said your currently considered high risk." He mumbles. "Dad answer me." I ask again as my tears were beginning to form. "You'll have to come in for weekly check ups. You can't travel. So you can't come home with me. But the apartment lease hasn't expired since Alysa's dad and I renewed the lease."

"The apartment?" I ask, my chest beginning to shake painfully. "Dad.." I ask sniffling as I try to keep myself together. "Where's Tom." I ask again. "Tom left, baby." He whispers as he looks down at my hand. As I flinch, he closes his eyes, sighing deeply unable to look at me.

"Okay well.. let's go. I mean the house is big. I think they have a guest room that was used for storage mainly." I mumble, pushing myself to sit, refusing to believe him. "We don't have to go back to the.."

"No baby."

"..apartment. And George and Gustav are never.."

"Jewel. He's gone."

"What do you mean gone!" I scream the way a small child yells at their parent mid tantrum, banging my fists against the bed. The tears finally escaping as they begin to roll down my face. He reaches for the nearby stand, pulling an envelope from it. "He left you this." He says as he sets it in front of me. He stands up, leaning down to kiss my cheek before he leaves me alone with an envelope. I frantically reach for my necklace, but there's nothing there. It's gone. I look down at the envelope, lowering my head as I quietly sob, and open it.

Juliette Amara

I vaguely remember you teasing me that Dickens was my favorite novelist. I believe I quoted the moment Pip told Estella, 'you have been in every line I have ever read'.

I never understood that.

I thought he was stupid. I thought Romeo and Juliet were stupid. To be kids obsessively in love with the idea of love. Enough so to commit suicide that could have been easily avoided. Star crossed lovers. I thought Catherine and Heathcliff were rather obsessive. Codependent. Both needing to address their own fucked up minds before they could even begin to make a life for themselves. I thought they were all fools.
 
One year ago. I foolishly let Bill convince me to play at a rather creepy and unsafe warehouse. I hated every moment of it. I hated everyone. Until I saw you. A brunette girl, with the dark brown eyes mentally cursing herself as her best friend blew ear drums. It didn't take long to finally understand what Dickens.. Shakespeare.. and Brontë finally meant.

Every line I read, was you. Every moment without you was essentially my death. I became obsessive. Everything finally making sense. And suddenly it wasn't just a genre. It wasn't just something in books. It wasn't a chapter or the appendix of a book. It was you.

You once asked me if I believed in love. But I was drowning when I met you.. Consumed in a darkness that I feared so much when suddenly it wasn't so dark anymore. And all I wanted was to be by your side. You loved me for me. Darkness and all. And I loved you. I do love you.

So to answer your question. I didn't believe. Until there was you.

Sometimes I wonder.. was it all worth it? Was the pain worth it if it meant being happy for just a little bit?

It was.

Every part of me that I had buried away, held hostage, was finally set free. I wasn't drowning anymore. And everything made sense. In some parallel universe, a different life. You and I were endgame. It was you and me, forever. In that universe, there was no darkness within me. I was me, and you were you. And in that universe we fell in love. We got married. We started a family. We grew old. And we did it all over again in our next life. Because in whatever universe, whatever life, I would always find my way back to you.

But I think this was the exception. In this universe, I've hurt you. I've lied. I've cheated. I've broken you. And so I have to let you go now.

I want you to get everything you ever wanted. Everything you deserve. I want you to fall in love with someone who'll give you everything and more. Someone that will love and cherish you. Someone that doesn't have a darkness within them. I hope you'll do that for me. I hope you'll find it in your heart to one day forgive me.  I selfishly hope you'll sometimes think of me. I hope when you read through the lines of a book, that it'll be me in your head. I hope you'll see something small and be reminded of me.

By the time you read this, I'll be well on my way back to Germany. I ask you don't try to contact me or look for me. Because you won't find me anymore. I hope you'll remember the good version of myself. Leaving has and will always be the hardest thing I've done. But I have to go, or else I'll run back to you. And I need you to live a life with someone that'll give you what I couldn't.

You were never just a moment. You were and will continue to be my entire existence. It was always you. It will always be you. Both my heart, and my soul will forever be yours. Once and for all, whatever our souls are made of. Yours and mine are the same.

It was a pleasure.

I'll love you always, Jules.

Tom.

The End