Push and Pull (Sirius Black X Reader)

Chapter 12

I stare into my cup of coffee absently, cheeks perpetually warm.

I don't know what to do, what to say, where to look. I can feel Sirius' eyes on me as I watch the way steam rolls off of my coffee in loose waves, and I can hear as Remus slowly flips through The Daily Prophet beside me, one long leg crossed over the other as his coffee sits untouched before him.

"Are we going to—" Sirius begins.

"Did you hear that a pack of clabberts has gone missing from the sanctuary in Brighton?" Remus asks. He looks up. "Yeah, apparently they were rounding them up to send to Australia for research and the things managed to escape. Imagine that."

"Imagine," Sirius repeats. I look up at him, and he swiftly meets my eyes, eyebrows raising nearly imperceptibly. I look away, physically hunching over my coffee cup. I blink a few times in alarm, and my mouth has gone dry. I take a small sip of coffee. It's too strong.

The silence between us picks up again, thicker than before somehow, and then Remus nudges me with his knee, angling the newspaper toward me. I look up at him, and then down to the paper—another ad for an apartment.

"Oh, yeah," I say and look it over. The photo displayed is grainy and shows a sketchy building with graffiti over the side, and the staircase to the front door is crumbling.

"In your budget?" he asks quietly.

I look at the price. I might be able to swing it if I go without food for a bit. I say, "For sure."

"I bet it's nicer in person," he says and clears his throat. "The graffiti washes off, of course, and I'm sure the stairs could be repaired. That's something the landlord would cover for you—no additional expenses from your pocket."

"You're still looking for somewhere to live?" Sirius asks from across the table. I meet his eyes for just a moment before I refocus on my coffee, unable to hold his gaze.

"Yeah."

"Where are you now?" he asks. "Is it bad? Too expensive?"

I furrow my eyebrows and look at Remus, averting my eyes quickly. Did he not tell Sirius that we're living together?

"She's staying with me for right now," Remus says. "Trying to get someplace of her own."

I struggle to swallow through a dry throat, forcing another bitter sip down. I want to ask for sugar but I can't bring myself to speak up.

"It's better to wait and get somewhere safe, somewhere you're comfortable in," Sirius says, tapping his fingers on the table. "I'm sure Moony doesn't mind harboring you for a bit longer while you find something better for you."

Remus looks up at Sirius, and I look behind me through the doorway, suddenly feeling like I could cry. Funny, I don't really remember when the last time I cried was...

"Unless..." Sirius trails off.

"Y/N and I are... we're doing our best to give each other space right now."

"How long have you been living together?" Sirius asks slowly as if he knows that he's not going to like the answer.

"Oh, I don't know," Remus says, looking down at his hands like he's counting on his fingers. "About... eleven years now."

I chance a look at Sirius and see his gaze sharpen on Remus. "And you're just now deciding that being roommates isn't for you?"

Remus finally lifts his coffee to his lips. I can't take the way he's doing this, dancing around the topic even though he was the one who was adamant that we tell Sirius everything right from the beginning. I understand his apprehension, but it feels wrong to play dumb when Sirius deserves to know the truth.