Push and Pull (Sirius Black X Reader)

1978: Anything

Remus, Sirius, and I all walk out of the hospital together, and we stop outside on the sidewalk and sit in an awkward silence. Remus has one hand pressed against the back of his neck, and he looks at me with a frown on his face. The bags under his eyes are prominent and I can see a fresh bite mark on his arm, not quite concealed beneath his sleeve.

"I don't know how I can ever make this right," he says after a moment.

"Rem, it's not a big deal." I can feel Sirius' hand land on my lower back, just a slight bit of pressure. "I know the risks."

He sighs. Sirius says, "It's not like we thought you were going to be bright and bubbly, tail wagging and ready to roll over."

"I get that," Rem says. "But it doesn't make what happened okay."

"Of course it does," I say and set a hand on his arm. Sirius' hand falls away from my back when I step forward. "Go home and get some rest. We've got a whole month to hash this out if you want. But you look like death right now."

Rem forces a tight-lipped smile and stoops down, so I wrap my arms around his shoulder and hold him tight. He whispers another apology in my ear, and I just squeeze him tighter in response, pressing a quick kiss on his cheek. When he pulls away, Sirius claps him on the shoulder and nods. Remus apparates away, and I stare after him for a moment to avoid looking at Sirius.

"Well," he says, "are you going to send me to my room too?"

"Shut up, Starboy," I say and turn to face him. He only grins. I say, "I should probably go."

"Probably." A pause. "Do you want me to bring you home?"

"I don't want to inconvenience you."

"You could never," he says.

I smile at the ground so he can't see my warming cheeks. I don't think it helps. Sirius steps toward me and holds out an arm. I take it and hold it tight, secretly glad for an excuse to hug his arm and sidle close to him. If Sirius' smile is any indication, he doesn't mind it either.

He apparates us just outside my apartment, and then he says, "Here we are."

"Are you not coming in?" I ask.

"Do you want me to come in?"

I meet his eyes, ashamed of my timidity. I nod my head. He wordlessly leads the way into the building. Once we're inside, I excuse myself to get changed. I kick off my pants from the day before and replace them with sweatpants, and then I change my sweater just to have an excuse to look at my scars in the mirror. They're not so bad, I don't think. Not like I thought at first. They're there, for sure, but...I trace my fingers over one of the raised bumps and imagine Sirius' lips on my skin again. Goosebumps.

I quickly pull my shirt on and return to the living room where Sirius waits, lounging on my couch. I plop myself down beside him and meet his eyes. "Thank you for everything last night and today," I say. "And I'm sorry I'm such a pain in your ass."

Sirius leans back into the cushions and sighs out loud. "You're not a pain in my ass. I just care too much sometimes, and I was scared. I've always been scared about what Moony could do, especially when it comes to..." He shrugs. "I don't express myself very well, though."

"I don't know," I counter.

"You don't know? Don't know what? That I don't express myself well?"

"I think you express yourself well enough," I say and shrug my shoulders.

He leans forward and looks at me. "Have I?"

"I don't know why you think you haven't."

"Really?"