Push and Pull (Sirius Black X Reader)

Chapter 19

I stare at Sirius' door, my cheek tingling from where he touched it. As I stand there, I decide that I'm done waiting. I'm done pretending that any of the desire that I've been grappling with comes from anything other than him. I'm done worrying about what it says about me to love him all over again after all these years. Truthfully, I know I never stopped. I can't convince myself that it's worth this suffering just to save face.

I love him. 

I step forward to knock on his door, but I only get halfway there before it flies open. And there he is, framed in the doorway like a piece of art in a mount. A brief moment passes as we simply look at each other. The shock I feel is reflected on his face, his wide eyes and his flushed cheeks.

"I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry," he says after a moment. "I know that this whole thing is—"

He doesn't finish his sentence. He can't once my lips are on his. I'm on the tips of my toes trying to reach his face, grasping at his shoulders to pull him down toward me, his shirt balled in my hands. He mumbles an indecipherable end to his sentence against my lips before his arm wraps around my lower back, holding me closer. 

I know that I'm kissing him like a woman starved, and I am aware, although very distantly, that my fingers are digging too hard into his skin. I know that the desperation of the kiss perhaps makes it somewhat less skillful. But he kisses back in a very similar manner, one hand pressed firmly against my back and the other wound in my hair.

"I've wanted this," he says against my lips, out of breath and voice a harsh whisper. "You have no idea how I've wanted this. How I've wanted you."

"Sirius," I mumble, leaning up to kiss him again. He straightens his posture, so I drop a kiss on his chin instead, running my hands down his back. 

"I just want to be sure," he whispers, his hand sliding up from my back to rest on the back of my neck, "that this is what you want."

"What?"

"Not Noah," he says, meeting my eyes. "Not any other guy. Me."

"Of course I want you," I say. "It's always been you."

He doesn't question me any further, leaning down to sweep me off the ground. He carries me to his bedroom and drops me on the bed. He climbs on top of me moments later, his lips finding mine. I can't keep my hands still, running them through his hair, along the curve of his arm, down the slope of his back. I slip my hands up his shirt, dragging my fingernails along his skin lightly. He shudders in response, nipping at my bottom lip.

I tug his shirt up impatiently, and he is quick to lean back and strip it off. His skin is pale and covered in tattoos. I hesitate. It's strange. His skin should be so familiar to me, and yet...

He takes my hand and presses it against his abdomen, and his skin is just as smooth as it always was despite the tattoos. I trace my fingers over one of them, one just under his left collarbone. Two tiny paw prints nestled among the runes and the unfamiliar symbols. I let my hand rest over the tattoo and I meet his eyes. Such a familiar grey surrounded by dark eyelashes. His gaze is soft, almost timid, so I pull him down to me and then I flip us over, straddling his hips.

"They're pretty," I say. "All of them." I trail my finger down the dip in the middle of his abdomen, tracing the pattern all the way to the button of his jeans.

"Think so?" he asks breathlessly, seeming distracted by the path of my finger.

"Yes," I tell him, leaning down to press a kiss on the paw print tattoo. He makes a beautiful little sound, his hips shifting under me. I kiss up to his neck, marking the skin with my kiss. His hands run up and down my thighs, his fingertips inching under my skirt. I unzip the skirt and shimmy it off, grateful that I didn't wear stockings this morning, and Sirius works on the buttons of my shirt. I watch his fingers, mesmerized by their fluid movements and the jumping tendons in his pale hands. He pushes the shirt off of my shoulders and stares at me like he's trying to memorize every curve of my body.