Just Strangers [SeongJoong]

002

A/N: Mentions of overdose

Hongjoong 

[Three Months Later] 

A lot of names were thrown around to describe me. 

Heartbreaker. Asshole. Tyrant. Dangerous. Cold. Heartless. Freak. 

I hadn't heard one that I felt like fit yet. 

I had heard names all my life, from the moment I was pushed out of the womb. I was called things like a "disappointment" and my mother was asked if there was something wrong with me.

That was because I didn't cry. Not even when the nurses spanked me or pinched me. They had no idea I was even alive until I opened my eyes, but I refused to make a noise. Which continued on while I was a child. 

I didn't speak until I was ten years old. 

Everyone thought it was because I was stupid or I couldn't learn how to speak properly. They thought there had to be something seriously wrong with me because that was the only explanation, right? To justify their ableism and horrible behavior. That there was something wrong with me and not them. That a child couldn't be different.  

I knew how to speak. I could understand words. I could read and write better than most of my classmates. I just didn't need to speak, because I was far more interested in observing. 

You could learn a lot if you'd just shut the fuck up for once and watch the people around you. And maybe that's what I needed to have a reality check when I was so young. It became apparent to me very quickly that people...sucked. 

The area I lived sucked. 

You started to understand that when you were different, people treated you worse. 

I had to accept that otherwise I'd drown in life before I could ever get truly started. 

I started doing drugs and gambling when I was thirteen. It was mostly just weed but I'd occasionally hit the hard stuff. I got really good a gambling for my age, and I meant really good. It was enough to keep my starving family afloat for just a little longer before I could run away as fast as I could. 

I started driving bikes when I was fourteen and by the time of my fifteenth birthday, I overdosed on drugs. 

It was weird to have people suddenly care whether you lived or died. It made it easier to see who was real and fake in your life. You also got to understand how easy adults thought it was to manipulate kids. Even at places that were meant to help you. 

Mental hospitals were there to help you but they just made you crazier then you were before you went in. Then they'd kick you out because they no longer had room for you and they'd leave you with the same shitty family that you had before because that just "wasn't their problem". 

I learned how to be adaptable and smart. I stopped a lot of things that I was good at because I knew in reality, it was a rigged system. Everything was a rigged system. 

It was also interesting how you could learn from adults. Because I very quickly learned one of their biggest skills. 

Manipulation. 

It was easy to manipulate people if you had what they wanted and you knew what made them weak. It was easy to become a good person in their eyes when you were everything but. 

That's how I survived. It's how I earned money and I made the friends I did. 

It was the only reason a good kid like Choi San would ever be caught walking with someone like me. 

I knew I was always born a little wrong. I didn't come out just right. Otherwise I wouldn't be like this. 

Sometimes I felt cold and empty. 

I didn't like how I looked at the people around me. I didn't like how alone it all made me feel. Even if in the long run, I was helping people and I was bringing enjoyment to people's lives...I felt no attachment to my actions. 

Even now, as San was telling me that it was enough and that I had gone too far as I demanded a homophobic asshole to bow down to Seonghwa as an apology...I almost wanted to smile. 

He had changed in the recent months and I had guessed it was around the time he met Seonghwa. I wasn't necessarily proud of it but it used to be easy to get San to do whatever I wanted. He'd put his life on the life for me in an instant, but now...

I did feel proud of him now. 

He had changed and he was holding his ground and I liked it. I wanted more of that from him. It shouldn't have felt like a game to push him until he broke and he realized I wasn't his hero like he thought I was. 

He thought he owed me a life debt but he owed me nothing of the sort. He was too quick to answer and too quick to do what I asked. Despite that want, I didn't like him willingly getting punched in the face. Maybe that's where things went wrong with our relationship, not that we were ever right. 

I didn't like when people laid their hands on him. 

That day however, I also found that I didn't like Seonghwa getting treated poorly either. He was new to my life and I barely knew him. I wasn't stupid, I saw how he looked at me. Though he might be a little stupid for liking me. 

I knew that bothered San. 

He cared about Seonghwa, it was clear, and he was protective over him. He's seen me do worse then what I did tonight when I made that piece of shit get down on his hands and knees to apologize. 

But he didn't like Seonghwa being there and witnessing it.  

I found him cute with how he always felt like it was necessary to do damage control and try and fix whatever I had done. I liked that despite him not agreeing with my actions, he always came to my defense. 

I liked that I knew he'd do that with Wooyoung and Seonghwa to. 

He'd explain to them that I wasn't as bad as they thought I was. That I was good guy. I wasn't dangerous, just protective. 

What interested me is how Wooyoung and Seonghwa would respond to that. Would they believe him and ignore my odd behavior? Or would they be wary around me because they knew the truth?

A/N: I'd just like to remind again, read through the content warnings. Hongjoong in this story has ASPD which is antisocial personality disorder. It'll be explained later in the book.