Corrupted - A Hermitcraft (and Empires) Fanfiction

24: Badtimes

Tw: excessive censored swearing (never change, Badtimes)

Hermits are confusing.

It appears that instead of either being sensible (yawn) and sleeping, or partying so hard they can't function to do what they want, they just stay awake doing nothing. Including Scar, who I find sat, leaning against the box his loser skulk-friend is in, talking to him as if the skulky b***h even cares or can hear him. And it appears his stupid hermit-ness has spread to me and I walk over. 

'He doesn't care, you know.' I call. A glance up.

'What are you doing here?'

'Talking. Obviously. Why are you just sat here like a loser?'

'Just go away. I'm talking to Cub.'

I don't move.

'Ok, I'm DEFINITELY not leaving now.' I decide, sitting next to him.

'Great...' He's sarcastic, but I sense some gratitude at my company deep down. For a moment neither of us speak.

'Why do you actually like Cub? What do you see in him?' I eventually question. Scar glances over.

'He's funny. Clever. Smart. Chaotic. He made something called Total Chaos. It's a giant box with murder, explosions, fire... you get to kill people.'

'Wait, wait, wait... your nerdy little vex friend Cub made some exploding, flaming murder  and you DIDN'T TELL ME?!'

'We can play it when this is over!'

'What? Wait? Really?!'

'Definitely! And so can EX.' Scar smiles, the first genuine smile I've seen this whole time. (Actually, my entire life, as he normally gets annoyed the moment I enter the room and doesn't cheer up until I leave). Silence again. 

'You ready for tomorrow?'

'No.' He admits. 'I don't want to hurt Cub. But if it's the only solution...'

'You'll do great. And you know that's a lot coming from me because normally you're just a f***ing idiot with no common sense. But you're a stubborn idiot as well. And stubborn idiots get what they want no matter what.'

'Thanks.'

Another silence. Again, it's me that's breaks it.

'Some of the other idiots are up as well. Do you want to join them? El's there, and Pix, the little blond one. And Skizz. Maybe you can entertain us by getting into a big f***ing fight with him again.'

'I'm not going to fight Skizz again... but I'll come.'

'Yesss! Come on!' I pull Scar to his feet. 'Let's go be boring hermits together!' It doesn't take long to navigate to where the skulk-kickery gang are sat in a circle - though they are around a giant fire so not too boring.

'I rescued Scar from pretending s***fan or whatever is name is can hear him. What are you talking about?'

'We're just talking. About anything.'

'I like talking about anything! Hey, let's go around and discuss how we'd kill someone else here in their sleep. I'll go first. I'd kill Scar because he's so f***ing stupid and wouldn't see it coming...'

'That's enough, Badtimes.' El rudely interrupts me my saying. I stick out my tongue, though I'd rather stick a sword up his a**, and shut up. 'I was talking about Xisuma.'

'Oh Hels... here come the sibling issues.'

'I'm talking about our childhood. When he wasn't as much as a perfect d***. I told you the story about us robbing the Watcher school, didn't I Badtimes?'

'Did you set it on fire?'

'No.'

'Oh, well I probably didn't listen.' I admit. 'I only listen to stories if someone dies in it or something ends up on fire. Or if it's Scar being a f***-'

'Badtimes, shut up. We know what you think. So, the town me and X lived in was right next to the huge school, run by the Watchers, teaching admin powers and building and all kinds of stuff. The nerdiest nerds would be invited to become watchers or lead huge servers like Hypixel. So, as you might've guessed, Xisuma went to this school.'

'I didn't know there was a Watcher school.' Pearl - though it might be False, because all the hermits are identical - replies, curious.

'Yeah. There's a school. So, Xisuma went and I didn't because even though X wasn't a huge jerk he was still a huge nerd.'

'Nerds are born not made.' I add wisely. 

'So anyway, Xisuma broke me in because we were both bored one night and stole a whole lot of weird magic artefacts. And they never found us.'

'That's a s*** story.' I scoff. 'Me and Vex have done stuff a billion times cooler than that in our sleep... there was one time we burnt down Hels's house because and framed it on 5.'

'Who's Vex?' Skizz frowns, confused.

'Vex? You know, looks like the skulky b**** in that box that we're helping tomorrow... he's cool. We have a psychic connection. We don't even need to say anything to know we want to blow something up.'

'And who's 5?'

'5? 5AM Pearl? You lot know NOTHING! I thought you knew everything! F***ing IDIOTS the lot of you!'

'Ok that's enough swearing, Badtimes. You've reached your daily quota.'

'Well, you know who's reached their daily quota of being a nerd, El?' I shoot back. El looks deeply unimpressed. 'Your mom.'

'Woooooow... so mature...'

'Why does Badtimes call you El?' Scar asks, continuing being a massive idiot.

'It's short for Elex. My name.'

'Sm-Elex.' I mutter under my breath.

'I thought your name was EX.'

'Initials. Elex Xamphe.'

'And, BTW, MY initials are BTW.' I add. It appears no one else realises how smart I am, because no one replies.

'It's BTWS.'

'It's NEARLY BTW...' I mutter. A few of the group laugh. 'But clearly it's not good enough for S**tzzleman, Smell-ex and PoopyTimesWithScar.' Another laugh.

'You know what? I like you Badtimes. You're a lot of fun.' Skizz grins. 'You swear a lot, but you're a lot of fun.'

'See Scar? See El? I'M a lot of fun.'

El chuckles, shaking his head.

'You're very adorable, Badtimes.'

Ok, he's made the murder list.

'Adorable?!' I stand, drawing a sword 'But- I- no- ADORABLE?!I'm a savage fearsome murderous vexling! I'm not ADORABLE!'

 'That's the word I wanted! Adorable!' Skizz laughs again.

'No!' 

'In the same way my buddy Zedaph is adorable.' El pulls the small blond into a hug. 'And Scar is adorable in how much he fails. And Skizz... Skizz is more badass that adorable, but the way he's getting upset about Impulse is definitely adorable.'

'And- and you know who else is adorable? Your MOM!'

'You already pulled a 'Your mom' joke, Badtimes. Come on... just accept it. You're adorable.' Scar pulls me back into the circle again where I sit, fuming, knowing I need to prove how un-adorable I am with fire, TNT and snakes. 'Come on my adorable little brother.' He tries to hug me and I hiss back. 

'I'm not your f***ing little brother!'

'I thusly adopt you as my little brother!'

'It's official.' The dog-guy who's sunglasses I need to steal speaks. 'As former king of Hermitcraft, I thusly declare BadTimesWithScar the adorable derpy little brother of GoodTimesWithScar! Congratulations, my dudes!' But, as much as I need to murder everyone around this fire, some part of me loves the attention. And knows.

This little group of b***hes and nerds is gonna win.

Badtimes, never change