The Unknown Heartbreak of The Rebound Girl

Learning The Game

I always called myself the rebound girl, whether it was a joke in the beginning or not, I was the rebound. After high school I really started to see the pattern of guys who would come into my life, it was always after a breakup that they would start to talk to me. Soon after I would be bombarded by the confessions of them liking me and I fell into the trap. I was liked, how lucky of me I would think. 

I played the part of the unknowing girl and enjoyed the attention for however long this one would stay. They were kind in the beginning, just wanted to get to know me and I played the game of a million questions. A one-night stand would've been less painful than letting them into my life the way I did. With each guy that came and went, I found yet a new piece of me missing as they exited my life. It was even the small interactions that took pieces of me. 

"I just got out of my long-term relationship and I always thought you were kinda cute." I felt it in my ribs, like I had just been kicked. 

"I wish we had known we liked each other sooner." I felt myself shrinking. I had known, he just didn't see me then.

"She wasn't available." I felt it harder than the times it had been said before like this was somehow the first.

"My ex and I want to try again, know it had nothing to do with you." I felt my insides boiling over. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have been so stupid again?

I felt used and disgusting, like I was their dirty little secret. I wasn't good enough to be the one they wanted first. I wasn't the one they chased after. It was like I was the pit stop for when they got tired of chasing their person. Why wasn't I good enough to be their person? I laughed at their jokes, encouraged them, cared for them when they cried, but here I was again, abandoned. They left me to pick up the pieces and figure out where to go from here all on my own. I wasn't asking for them to solve all my problems, but rather for them to not become one. 

Just smile. They'll like you better if you don't have baggage. Their past relationship is enough baggage for the both of you to carry. Don't complain. Be available, you can't have plans outside of them any more. Don't forget to smile, they're being kind by letting you hang with them. They asked you if you were okay, smile. You're doing great. They mentioned their ex, don't flinch, it just means their being transparent, they won't leave. -- You forgot to smile. They're leaving. You weren't enough. You should've done more, maybe if you had smiled they would've stayed. Comfort them, they feel bad for hurting you. Don't be a bitch, they've been through a lot.

I went through the same script each time, it varied a bit from time to time, but not by much. I found myself in a loop, struggling to find the strength to get out of it. I was just standing there like an idiot, smiling through the tears. They knew I cared more about them than myself and they took advantage of that. They love bombed me, told me how I was the best thing that happened to them, that I had helped them through some tough times, but then they would leave. They left like all the boys before.

Don't forget to smile.