The Unknown Heartbreak of The Rebound Girl

I Just Want to Live

I picked up running, thought you might find it funny as I always complained about those types of people. Never liked it before, but something in me is driving me to run. I feel like there is some poetic metaphor behind it, like I'm running from my problems, from the pain, from you.

It feels like no matter how fast or far I run, I will never be able to escape him. For a moment I'm in my own world then the next a car is passing and I'm squinting through the headlights to see if it's him. I run a bit faster and suck in a bit tighter in hopes that if it is, he'll notice. Sometimes I fantasize about telling him how much he hurt me and that he'll cry and feel bad for what he did, but then the silly notion fades because he would have to care to feel bad. He doesn't care about you, he never did. I tell myself that because it's much easier than truth which was he did care, he just didn't care enough. 

I went on a date, it was alright. He made me laugh and for a second I felt like my old self, the one that existed before you. She didn't need the validation of any man and felt confident in her own skin. He complimented my eyes, said they were beautiful, that I was beautiful. He also held my hand as we walked to the car and all I could think about was how we never held hands. I had hoped you would walk by and see, but you didn't, you never do. 

I ended up crying on my bedroom floor after getting home, unable to breathe. He wasn't Zach, the conversation wasn't as easy as it was with him. He asked me to go line dancing, how absurd, I cried about that for an embarrassing amount of time. I felt pathetic, I should be over him by now, it's been a full month. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

I can feel the annoyance in the tone of my friends now any time I mention you. In some compacity or another you have managed to invade my every day. Don't get a big head about it though. You shouldn't be proud about what you did. You don't seem to be ashamed of it though, you're still following all my friends on social media and liking my posts like nothing happened. I've never been the type to block people, felt childish, but you've pushed me to it. I couldn't stand the constant notifications with your name. I wanted you to see I was doing well without you, but I couldn't take the reminders that you existed so I blocked you. Just leave me alone and let me heal, it's the least you can do after everything.