The Unknown Heartbreak of The Rebound Girl

Moving Forward

I found someone. Someone who communicates. Someone who makes me feel wanted and adored. I'm terrified though. You made me that way. I'm scared that he'll leave just as you did and I'll be back at square one. My therapist says that it's impossible for me to go back to where I was when you broke me. The fear is still there despite her words of encouragement. 

Every time he goes without messaging me I'm terrified he's with someone else, with his ex, that I'm being played yet again. I know that is more about me and not him so I don't say anything about it. I keep my fears to myself because he hasn't done anything to prove he is anything like you. He doesn't deserve to be questioned like I wish I had questioned you. You made me paranoid and for that I hate you. Even though I'm moving forward, you still have a hold over me. I don't love you, not anymore, but you still live in my head. You live there as a constant reminder that I will never feel like I'm enough. I was kind, supportive, caring, and understanding, yet you still left me behind. You left me for your abusive ex and it took every ounce of respect I had for myself to not beg for you to come back. You didn't deserve the energy I gave you. 

I saw him today. My heart was racing and I thought about running. It would've been obvious though, he had already spotted me. I pulled my phone out, it was a defense mechanism, pretended I hadn't noticed him.

A few moments prior I had been happy, it had been a good day. He had a way of taking that away from me now. He used to be the thing to make me smile, now the very thought of him made me want to curl into a ball.