Project sekai oneshots: unpopular ships

~(📀🖥️)~

Hi! I'm so sorry for disappearing for like two months, but I'm back with some ichikana angst requested by lovermiya. Hope you enjoy!! Sorry if it's OOC.

At first, life seemed beautiful and colourful. Everyday was new, unique and special. Filled with soft kisses, sweet smiles and comforting cuddles. Every single day was full of bliss. Composing a song wasn't as stressful, and receiving feedback from a musician was helpful. And it was even more important if that musician was your wife.

It's been six long years since the ceremony which wedded Kanade and Ichika. Those six years went by in a flash, but they weren't spent unwisely or hatefully. Instead, they were relaxing and so very healing. Kanade would sit at her computer, clicking in concentration at the digital music studio, when she'd hear the sound of the front door opening and suddenly everything changed. Her environment became alive again, and she finally lifted her eyes from the screen, instantly being given the opportunity to breathe and smile. And when her precious wife Ichika reached their shared bedroom, her arms were stretched open and begging to be lifted into an embrace, which Ichika never got tired of doing. It was the same everyday. But somehow, everyday was different in such a magical way. They truly were a perfect couple, living in their own perfect world.

However, it wasn't as perfect as they thought it was.

Once after Ichika came home, her guitar packed neatly into her case as she let it hang from her shoulder and lay on her back, Kanade couldn't hear her lover's footsteps to their room. She was too immersed in the composing of a song she was sure that could cause an eruption of emotions in the hearts of her fans; to help them find themselves in this song and finally feel a sense of hope after being deprived of it for so long. Unsure of what to do on days like these, Ichika stood at the door awkwardly and waited until Kanade noticed her presence from the corner of her eye, which normally took ten minutes. But this didn't change the way Ichika loved Kanade and instead inspired her to be more determined in moving people with her music. Sure, her feet would get tired from standing for so long, but there was a kind of barrier between her and her wife that would make her stand at the door. It was as if Kanade was in her own world, and even though she was her wife, Ichika could not pull her out of it and place her back down to Earth's stable ground.

Another thing would be when Ichika would get stressed if she was playing her guitar properly or not. When practise didn't satisfy her need to reach her full potential, she'd forget about greeting Kanade in her bedroom and instead go straight up the stairs and into her private practise room. It was small but there was enough space for two people to play their instruments without having to twist awkwardly or squish into a corner when the other is leaving the room. For hours, Kanade's fingers would tap on the desk frantically or bite her lip harshly to try and calm the nervous feeling building in her stomach. For some reason, she'd get this frightened feeling when Ichika was like this. She wasn't exactly worried about Ichika, but rather scared of her, as if she might burst at any second and she wouldn't know how to help, as she has no experience with guitar. To Kanade, her wife was as delicate as a flower, as fragile as a vase, and as light as a balloon. She didn't want to see Ichika break apart. It made her heart burn fiercely in worry, and made tears prick at her eyes.

Other than those two things, the relationship was fine. Normal. Perfect.

Or was it?

Communication is obviously very important in a relationship. However, two lovers who don't have much confidence in themselves and who are very awkward might cause some misconceptions and therefore some disagreeing views about the other. An example is when Ichika was confiding in Kanade about her worry about not singing powerfully, to which Kanade responded by calling Ichika's voice a dainty flower. Overthinking was something Ichika couldn't control, so of course she thought Kanade was calling her voice weak. As weak as a dying flower. Ichika tried to view the comment as a compliment but something was stopping her and a day later, she found herself sitting on the private practise room floor, with her head in her hands and an aching stomach.

But that was it. This relationship is caring. Soft. Loving?

Ichika wasn't the only important person in Kanade's life. Of course, there was her hospitalised father, but also a certain purple haired woman. Turns out, Mafuyu was just as special and significant as Ichika was to Kanade (but Ichika thought Mafuyu was even moreso). Obviously, it bothered Ichika greatly when they started dating, but she pushed it to the side, saying that she was horrible for being so selfish with Kanade. After they got married, the feeling died down, but it was still present in her heart. And the feeling would arise whenever Kanade would spend hours composing a song just for Mafuyu, completely neglecting Ichika's want for attention and love, forcing her to sit on their shared bed and gloomily stare up at the ceiling.

Although, that wouldn't happen every single day. So it's fine! Their relationship is beautiful. Sweet... uh....

After six years of marriage, neither of them would be comfortable enough to touch each other spontaneously. No surprise kisses, or strokes on the cheek, or hugs. It has to be announced or asked. Once, Ichika wanted to test this unwritten rule. As Kanade clicked on her computer in concentration, Ichika's right hand slowly made its way to silver hair. Carefully, her fingers wrapped around a thin lock of hair and felt the smooth texture which made Ichika gasp in both surprise and delight. Sensitive to all five of her senses, Kanade noticed immediately and flinched noticeably, causing Ichika to remove her hand instantly and to back away. Kanade's heart hammered in her rib cage, as she felt tense and suddenly unsafe. Ichika watched her wife's shoulders move up and down as she caught her breath from the small touch, and guilt caused a familiar sick feeling to arrive. I'll never do that again, Ichika thought and she never broke that promise.

Is this relationship even honest? Or real?

Six years later, after years of routine, Ichika did not greet Kanade to the usual hug after work. Instead, Ichika came home to an empty chair, a switched off monitor and a deafening silence flooding the room. It made Ichika's ears hurt as she felt a sort of disgusting pressure build in her body, and suddenly she felt faint. She knew this already. She knew Kanade was gone already.

"I'm sorry." Ichika whispered as she dropped her guitar onto the floor and felt tears run down her cheeks, into her mouth. They were salty, but they forced her to stay awake. She knew if she passed out now, Kanade would be gone forever. So instead she picked herself up, gripping onto the arm of the chair Kanade normally sat on. Ichika hobbled to the front door, grabbed the keys to the house, and left. Even though she barely had any energy, she decided to walk for forty minutes to the hospital. The bus felt exhausting and calling a cab was too much. As soon as she stepped into the hospital, vomit crept up her throat and she held her breath to stop her from breathing in the horrific smell of death. She needed to get to Kanade quickly. She needed her wife's homely and cosy scent. Desperately.

So when she finally got a nurse to take her to Kanade, and when they finally reached the door, on a normal day of visiting her wife she'd feel a flicker of joy. But today was full of dread. There, in front of her, was another nurse. And this nurse was pulling a white sheet over Kanade's small body. Ichika simply stared. The nurse noticed Ichika and gave her an apologetic look, muttering a 'sorry' and then gently ushering her away from Kanade to pull the curtains. Feeling no more fight in her body, she let her feet move backwards but she tripped and landed on the floor, home to bacteria. But she didn't care. She could get sick, but she didn't want to pick herself up this time. With hands pressed onto the floor behind her, she sat stiffly with empty eyes. Everything became so so disgusting now.

"Kanade-" Ichika managed to get out before gasping and beginning to sob. Her arms slowly wrapped around herself, holding herself firmly and tightly as she trembled. As she hugged herself, she thought of Kanade. Her wife. And she remembered her wife's comforting hugs after work. Every moment with Kanade was comforting. Right?

Or was this relationship just a huge pain?