Sundew

Afterword

Oh, hey, friend. I almost didn't see you there. Y'know, I didn't expect to see you here so late, given that the last train home doesn't come for hours. Well, seeing as we're gonna be waiting a while, why not sit with me here at this bench, and Ol' Uncle Dylan will spin you a yarn of how he spun the yarn you just read?

A few years ago, I was in a therapeutic boarding school (that, for privacy's sake, shall remain nameless) and I recall this one therapist hosting group therapy one day, and discussing something that I feel a lot of people do not understand: integrating your shadow. He didn't show us Eternalised's video (link here: ), but he did show us something similar. Unfortunately, though, I cannot find the video clip, so you'll just have to click on the link to have a better idea of what I'm about to describe (the link isn't a Rick Roll, I swear).

We all have that darkside to us, the part of ourselves that we're not too proud of, but what if I told you that the secret is not to fight the darkness but to use it? The shadow can be redirected into something positive, like creating something. That was my intention with this story, because after that group where we discussed shadow integration, I now notice a lot of pop culture perpetuating the idea of "oH, yoU mUst OveRcomE yOur InNer dEMoNs bY OvErcomiNG thAt iNner dArknesS." This notion is irresponsible because, in a way, you're only giving people an excuse to make that inner beast even stronger—by denying it. However, I once read a Stephen King proverb regarding denial. The problem is that I can't remember the story to which the proverb itself belongs, but it goes roughly like this, "If a man hops off the toilet and sees blood in the bowl, he'll crap in the dark for the next few days." Just because we deny it doesn't mean it ain't there. Rest assured, you cannot get rid of the darkness, but you can use it in a positive way. Unfortunately, a lot of us are unwilling to accept this.

One example of this would be Metallica's "Until It Sleeps." If you've listened to the song, you may know what I mean, with lyrics like "I run but it stays right by my side," or "So tear me open but beware, There's things inside without a care."

Actually, No. It's not just that garbage Metallica song. You wanna know a good example of this collective delusion that so many people (including myself, at one point in time, I'm stupid as well) are either too stupid or unwilling to question? You really wanna know? "Monster" by Skillet. I'm not gonna bore you by ranting on about the song, but I'll provide these lyrics to show I'm not lying and that the song does, in fact, have such a garbage message.

"The secret side of me, I never let you see

I keep it caged but I can't control it

So stay away from me, the beast is ugly

I feel the rage and I just can't hold it"

Again, the problem is that, though people who perpetuate the whole "conquer your inner darkness" thing have good intentions, they end up only encouraging people to unintentionally strengthen their shadow. Because, without a healthy outlet for that anger to express itself, it will manifest in unhealthy ways—in times of stress, by hurting other people.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I have one last thing to say, and then I'll be on my way, as my train arrives in just a few minutes. What's that? Well, it's my other influences for this story, one of them being the namesake. Sundews are a type of carnivorous plant, and I've described their hunting method in detail here. So, as I sat there watching Animal, I had the thought: "People who don't integrate their shadow—who pretend to be goody two-shoes—are like that: luring you in with their sweetness until it's too late." That thought led to this idea. Before watching that video, as you could probably already tell, I read Nick Cutter's The Troop, a terrifying novel centering around a troop of boy scouts stranded on an island with no one around but an outbreak of bioengineered parasites, and, my god, that story is gross! Tapeworms! Tapeworms! Tapeworms! Tapeworms crawling in your flesh, in your head, in your stomach, even up your pee hole in the case of one of the boys. (Yikes!) I heard good things about The Troop, but I underestimated just how fucking gross it was gonna be. After I finished reading, I was playing a poorly-made horror game made in RPG Maker, one that took place inside a hospital, when I had the thought, What if The Troop took place inside this setting? And, what if I took a page from the book of Spanish horror film Rec and had the government quarantining the building? This first question, in particular, hatched an idea, a primitive & mindless fetus, in mind. And, like a fetus, it slowly grew into a full-on child—my creative offspring. This is what I give to you, beloved reader: the chance to bear witness to such a hellish thing, a creature who would be smothered by even its mother. Anyways, getting back on track, I also read Cutter's The Deep, the story of Luke Nelson being sent into the Marianas trench to retrieve a potential cure for a disease that is slowly bringing Humanity to extinction. However, Luke will soon learn that perhaps some things are best left undiscovered. where I got the idea for the main character being told to "Come home."

My final influence was Emesis Blue (another example of that unhealthy message regarding suppression of the shadow-self, but still a damn good movie in its own right), a SFM horror movie centered around TF2's mercs and what happens to them when they respawn. In video games, TF2 being no different, you can typically come back to life after you die, but Emesis Blue asks the question, "How are the character's minds affected by respawning? Are they in a scenario similar to Bill Murray's Groundhog's Day?" Anyway, I took influence from Emesis Blue's scene where Soldier looks into the portal, seeing dead clones of himself flowing endlessly through a red-and-black void, Oh and, before I forget, there are two references to Stephen King's The Stand, if you can notice them.

Well, I hate to be abrupt, but that's my train that's pulled up just now. Oh, by the way, you didn't happen to see a crazy guy stumbling up here, did you? One who was shouting stuff like "Get it out of me!!"? No? Okay, thanks anyway. Why do I ask? Well, he has something that belongs to me—something that I might drop into a public square, or some other densely populated place where things are easily transmitted. Like, for instance, a hospital.