𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐫 - 𝐉.𝐆 𝐗 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑

𝐎𝐍𝐄 - I lived

𝐈 𝐏𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋 𝐌𝐘 𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐘 𝐃𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆...nurses, doctors rushed me down a hall, but the thing I couldn't miss was the flickering of the lights on the ceiling. My chest was tightening and the room was spinning, hot flashes repeatedly hit me like the waves of an ocean. I could hear the muttering of the doctors, but nothing was sticking inside my mind.

"apparently she chased a bottle of aspirin..doc were losing her!" I felt all of their hands examine my body, all at once they put a tube down my throat. I started to choke, the itching feeling at the back of my throat telling me to rip it out. I tried to grab it but I realize my hands were tied to the bed. Confusion washed over me, I started to thrash around but they continued to hold me down.

My eyes were fluttering as I was looking from left to right, my head feeling light, but my body feeling heavier then I could ever imagine. They slowly took the tube out and acid creeped up from my throat, and the next thing I knew, I was throwing up the pills in a small bucket.

The nurse started to rub circles along my back and started to coo her voice, in efforts to ease my pain. "Shh, that's a girl, it'll all be okay now." My eyes squeezed shut as I laid back on the bed, wishing, praying, someone or something would end this guilt and embarrassment.

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"Hey y/n, how're you feeling?" Jake, my older cousin worriedly spoke but all I did was stare at the window. I didn't want to explain anything, or say anything! all I wanted to do was leave and get some sleep. All at once the doctor came in and I thanked whoever for saving me from the awkward small talk.

"She's suicidal, she took a whole bottle of aspirin and her neighbour found her. Since her parents can't come and get her, we asked the family who could we contact and they referred us to you. Seeing how she's a legal adult, she can leave on her own, but we highly recommend someone stay with her for a few weeks. She'll also be taking this medication, and call us if they're any problems." The doctor quickly spoke before leaving Jake with the pills.

I've already been down this road before, they give you some new medication, they refer you to a therapist, and call every once in a while. Nobody cares about suicide anymore, they just joke about it. I don't want to be here anymore, and yet I'm still here. I don't know why the universe is so keen on making me suffer? when all I want to do is leave this pitiful world.

"What do you think? Ready to go?" He questioned, all I could do was nod my head, I got up from the hospital bed, only to fall right back down on the bed. I felt ashamed I couldn't get up, or walk around for a while. I just put my hands over my face, tears threatening to spill out. "Don't worry it's okay, I'll be back, stay here." He instructed, not long after I heard him leave the room.

I brought my hands back down from my face and rested them on my thighs. I let out a sigh, I used my hand to soothingly rub my face. Jake came back in with a wheel chair, he carefully helped me get into the chair. We didn't bother to talk on our way to the hospital parking lot and I thought it was a good idea to crack a joke. "I feel like a sick grandma." He lets out a breathy laugh, and I let a small smile slip.

"How am I going to fit this wheel chair in the car?" He muttered to himself, I watched him just shrug it off. He helped me into the car before getting in on the drivers side. He started to drive and I saw that he just left the wheel chair in the parking lot. I started to laugh, and he looked at me and started to laugh himself. "What are you laughing about?"

"You- can't just leave wheel chairs in the parking lot!" I wheezed in between words. We didn't notice a car was coming our way, but when I noticed I started to scream. "Jake!" He pulled over to the right side of the road and he was still laughing. Sometimes I wonder how he's still alive.

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"So I wasn't really expecting company,  would it be alright if you just slept on the couch until I get the guest room sorted out? Also I have a roommate, his name is johnnie." I nodded my head to his question and I put my things beside the couch. All at once this guy comes down the stairs and he looks at Jake and then back to me.

"She's my cousin," he introduced me but I just gave a slight smile and waved. "You guys dress the same, and have similar interests, I don't know about you guys but I have to do something. I'll be back, so sorry y/n but when I'm back home we can talk about everything!" He rushed to get all of his belongings, and I couldn't help but snicker at the sight before me.

He said a quick bye before shutting the door. I awkwardly start to grab things from my backpack and he comes and sits across from me. "Hey." He says nonchalantly, and I look up to get a better picture of what he looks like. I suppose Jake was right, we do have the same style.

I smile once more, which seems to feel like the thousand smile today. "Hello." I focus back on getting my things, and it was quite awkward because I didn't know how to keep the conversation going.

"Soooo," he rests back on the chair, and looks at me with this sort of look that I didn't quite understand. "So why are you staying with Jake?" I turn my attention away from him and pull out a charger for my phone, while I reminded myself that this week was hard and I didn't need to talk about anything just yet.

"Well, I just turned 20, and my parents are on a trip. I felt like I needed to move out, so I'll be paying Jake rent money until I save enough to find another place to live. I lived with my parents for a few years because places are quite expensive these days." So I didn't lie to him completely, all I did was not disclose my private information! Wait, why am I so worried about this again?

"Yeah, I get it. Rent is not affordable these days." He briefly spoke before getting up and going back upstairs, assuming that he's going back to his room, I feel peace wash over me.

Finally some quiet.

I hear the door open, and I turn my head and see that Jake is back. "Yo yo yo!!"

"Jake for Christ sakes!"