𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐫 - 𝐉.𝐆 𝐗 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑

𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍 - do I believe in love?

𝐖𝐄 𝐆𝐎𝐓 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐘𝐎𝐑𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐀𝐆𝐎...by now I've diminished all the good intent inside my brain. Pondering, wondering, emptiness clouding any good vision I've mustered up in the past couple of weeks. The distractions don't last forever, the thoughts always come back when I'm alone.

I lazily sat up from my bed, looking to my left and seeing drawings scattered across the walls. I assume Jake made a YouTube video where he scribbled all over the wall. I drifted off, and I fantasize about a scenario where I'm falling endlessly into his captive arms. Feeling guilt swarming my gut as I knew it was wrong.

My friends, have wasted countless time trying to encourage me to forget about the boy. The days I sat on that bed, I realized if I didn't keep forgiving him, and get back with him, then what was the point? My heart followed his every movement, maybe he got a bit much at times but I still loved him.

If I didn't forgive him, if I didn't wiggle myself into his life, then all that damage was for nothing. All that time crying, wanting to rip my heart out, rip my skin off, feeling like I was losing my sanity, the pointless fights, it was all for nothing. What could I possibly take out of a situation where everyone sees something bad in it?

"Y/n, open the door, Jake told me you've been in there for days," I heard my friend, Athena, speak. I saw the door twisting and turning, but when it didn't open she sighed out. "Look y/n I know after James," I inhaled a sharp breath hearing his name. "It's been hard, but you can't lock yourself away because of a guy. I mean cmon, he's a guy."

I opened the door to see her and she looked at me, and worry crossed through her features. "It wasn't just a guy, it was someone I loved." She nodded her head understanding, and opened her arms out for a hug. I gladly took it, rapping my arms around her and she rubbed circles along side my back.

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.

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We were sitting quietly, while I wouldn't say quietly. We were watching Disney movies and she was bashing every single one of them. "Can you stop bashing my Disney movies." She whips her head in my direction and pats me on the shoulder.

"Your twenty watching Disney movies for comfort," I brush her hand off and we both laugh. She was the first to sober up from our fits of laughter, she shot up from her seat, stunning me a bit. "We're going to a party, I don't want to sit here, be depressed, and watch Disney movies. We're going to a party, and we're going to have fun!" She sternly says and I tilt my head and gave an expression that says 'I don't know.'

"Athena. It's Thursday." She rolled her eyes happily and took me by my hand and started shoving me into my room to get dressed. I complied and she simply told me she was going to wait outside for me. I started to straighten and style my hair, because I haven't styled my emo hair in a few days.

I put on a black and grey stripped shirt, and some skinny jeans. I race out of the house and into the car, I didn't want to keep her waiting long. "We're going to a party, not prison." She motioned to the shirt and I shook my head with a smile on my face.

"Just drive." She lifted her hands up and didn't say anything else, turning the key and away we went.

.

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Let's just say the party wasn't what I was expecting. Pulling into the driveway you could see lights flickering from the outside. You could hear the light hum of music, but it wasn't too loud from the outside. Once getting into the inside, that's where things took a turn, from left to right someone was making out, people were using lighters and spraying perfume which made big, harmless flames.