Revelation Of An Ordinary Life

Ending at the Beginning

Kei was here, on the bed, sitting next to me. She hadn't said a word since getting into the dorm, immediately going towards the bed and waiting for me to follow.

Her expression was blank, and I had no idea what was going through her mind.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked flatly.

She turned her head and looked at me in the eyes. Within those eyes possessed some dejection, one that I had not seen in her before.

"Whether you love me, how I feel about you, stuff like that," she said.

"I see."

"Just when I got around to the idea that you'd be leaving me after school, I had to wonder whether we could even continue like this," Kei continued.

Of course, when I leave, and these memories return, this conversation will not have mattered much in the future to me. But in her heart, the troubles that are swirling around in there may be something that would last forever for her. A what-if that would never leave her mind.

"Kiyotaka, just explain things to me," Kei pleaded.

I guess I should lay it all out bare.

What I wished for, what I felt, all of it should be something she hears.

"I wanted to make it so you could stand on your own without me. And I wanted to see if I could, in some way, love you. I wanted to know if it was possible for me to feel that," I began.

Kei didn't blush, didn't overreact, she merely laid her head on my shoulder.

"So... did you feel that?"

I'm sure somewhere within her heart, she knew what my answer would be.

"I didn't. No matter how much I wanted it."

Even if she didn't say anything, I could feel her body tense up slightly.

"I don't know if I'll ever feel love. It's not as if I can't feel anything. I simply don't have the ability for love. To care for someone else, to put them above yourself, that's what I've observed, so that's my baseline definition for love."

I can't do that.

My slate's foundations go against that very notion.

I want my future slate to be my own, but there are some things which I think aren't possible.

I knew this.

I knew it from the beginning. I simply chose to believe in a world where such a thing could happen.

"So that prayer of yours failed, huh?" Kei muttered.

I nodded.

"So what do you think now? What's going on in your mind after I told you everything?"

Kei stayed silent for a moment, pondering and mulling over my words.

"I know that it'll hurt when you leave. It'll hurt... so much," Kei began, her voice beginning to sound meek and wavering.

Her hand balled into a fist.

"But then, maybe after a while, I'll have to get over it. I have to keep going," she continued.

People have to move on, she's no different. But there was this sense of regret in her voice.

"But I don't want it to be a waste!" she declared.

A waste, huh?

"I don't want this whole thing to be crappy. I don't want it to end with nothing for the both of us. You make me happy, so... I want to make you happy, too," Kei stated meekly.