Letters To Niall

Chapter 19 So Close, Yet so Far

Chapter 19 - So Close, Yet so Far

Niall's POV

"I like you too Erin, a lot."

Thoughts rushed through my head, and my heart pounded painfully in my chest as I waited for her to say something. I had been so shocked when she expressed her feelings to me at first, that I had no idea what to do, or to say. But then I realised the right thing to do. Tell her I liked her too. If she had found courage, then I had to find it too. And thats what I did. I found courage.

"You, you do?" I could tell she was trying to hide the excitment in her voice, but her face told it all. She couldn't act to save her life.

"I do." I smiled, feeling a pool of red splashing onto my cheeks.

Erin's smile was wider than china, and the first thing she did, was throw her arms around my neck. It's safe to say that I was shocked. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't a hug.

"I'm so glad to hear that." She whispered, making me wrap my arms securily around her.

"I'm glad I told you, because these feelings have gone too far. So far, we just can't ignore them." I frowned, turning her around so she could look me in the eye.

"But we have to Niall." She said sadly, pity showing off in her voice.

"What?" I asked, frowning.

Why would we have to ignore our feelings? She liked me, I liked her, so why couldn't we just be together? Why was there always something in the way? It might be just my luck. Whoever said the Irish were lucky, they're wrong. Maybe some are, but I'm not. Being in One Direction was possibly one of the only lucky things that had happened to me, and also meeting Erin. But then, it came to relationships. My unlucky side. I have feelings for girls, and there's always something that stops us having a relationship; like what's happening now.

"I don't want a long distance relationship. I really like you, I really do, so much, but I don't think we're meant for each other. If we where, I would be able to be with you all the time, but I can't. I'm not good for you, Niall."

I found it hard not to break down into messy tears at this moment. Of course distance was going to put Erin off. Of course. But what did she mean by she's not good for me? I decieded to ask.

"We can work something out Eri, we have to." I whimpered desperatly. "And how aren't you good for me?"

A tear rolled down her cheek. "Because of what happened with Ricky." She whispered, pain overtaking her voice.

Ricky. The name sounded so familiar, yet I couldn't put my finger on it.

Ricky... was he the... yes, he was. The one that hurt her.

"Babe, he's not worth it. Please don't let him ruin a possible relationship for us." I begged. I was desperate. I was so close to being with her, yet so far.

"Niall," She took a deep breath and wiped the tears from her eyes. "He scarred me. The scars won't just leave like that -" She clicked her fingers "- because what he did to me...-" She squeezed her eyes shut, as if she was trying to erase the memory from her brain. If only it were that simple. "- Is not something I can just forget about about, ever. It will haunt me for the rest of my life, and that scares me..."

Her voice was breaking, and sobs were leaving her mouth just as she finished speaking. I hugged her close, as she cried a river into my chest, her hands holding tightly onto my shirt. I rubbed her back, and whispered reasurring words to her from time to time.

"I just, don't know if I'm ready for a relationship yet, after all that happened." She said, once she had calmed down a little. "I just want things to go slowly... you know? I need to know I can fully trust you, even though I know you won't hurt me." She gave me a weak, forced smile.