Mary Tudor's First Love

Till death do us apart/epilogue

October 24, 1558

I have no choice but to put my protestant sister Elizabeth to rule the England, I finally have a guts in myself to show the people who I am and what I need I just need this country to be faithful again I want this to be a catholic country like it use to before my father broke himself to Rome and become the supreme head of the church.

I finally find a peace between Rome and England I thought that will be good as I thought but still people don't want to be a catholic I have no choice but to do as I promise to myself burn them I only do that for punishment they don't want to be a catholic then you will meet the burning of the protestant right in front of you.

1556

Thomas Cranmer I really hated him first of all he granted my father a divorce he didn't felt bad for my mother they send her away from me, telling me not to see her anymore if only my father was still alive today I will also burned him to for everything he have done to this family.

Thomas pleaded for his life he wanted to convert into a catholic faith but look who is he dealing with? I told him no and I still send him to the Tower and make him a prisoner until he died of the stake.

My body is getting weak even the doctor's couldn't cure me they just only give me a medicine and trying to save my life as best as they can i knew next month i couldn't make it, my face is not the same as it was before it was old, vain and tired that is how i can see myself in the mirror and i have a full dark circle around my eyes i am not as the pearl of the palace like people use to described me they hate me because of what i did to them and when i married Philip of Spain i thought they would've loved him but i was wrong he left me and come back for some other times.

I can still have a little bit of my first lover in my mind Philip of Bavaria after all i heard he had been missing in his country only me and Susan knows about his missing not anybody else until someone told me that a prince is in good health he had secluded himself in a remote hut in the woods with only servants and cooks, Philip even mention that i am still his wife and no one can ever tear us apart my life had been misery since he had departed himself, he returned to England again in November 19th, 1545 the king had given him 1000fl he named Philip his commander, he remained in England until my father died i never heard much about him.

They said he died of sweating sickness since that plague still exist before my father died or he committed suicide since he was heartbroken and he cannot marry me but whatever it since he was sick i knew he was sick because i am still connected to him and Susan always have to ask anyone about Philip and it is true he died in July 4th, 1548 for unknown cause of his death but i grieve in his death his body is buried in Heidelberg he requested before he died he wanted to get buried beside his parents, i also sent a sympathy letter to Otto Henry about the death of his brother

But i have to moved on forget about him, my husband Philip still visits me and he ask me how am i feeling? i only said i feel bad to myself i love Philip like i use to love the other Philip but he is so different from him he called me unattractive i never heard Duke Philip calling me unattractive i thought i was going to be happy but i can't find any happiness in him if i know this is going to happen i could've run away England and be with Philip we swore to each other that nothing come between us and if i die i will be with him in paradise with my mother with me that's all i am wishing before i leave this earth and give my throne to my sister.

He left again and never turned his back from me again.

November 16th, 1558 (one day before her death)

I have committed so many sins and my anger towards to protestants god forgive me for all my sins... I felt a wind behind me i remember closing my windows before i pray tonight

"Mary."

someone is calling me?

"Oh princess don't be afraid."

I feel like my feet just got on their own and walk me outside i can recognize no it couldn't be? maybe i am just hallucinating because i am about to die, i didn't know i am standing on a big room i find a chair to sit and wait for someone to come in and talk to me.... a minute later no one ever came inside as soon i'm about to leave someone said...

"turned around."

I turned and it was my first lover Philip i try to approach him but then i realize he is dead and it's just his ghost talking to me.

"There is nothing to be afraid of my queen i came here to visit you."

"Why? after you left me? unfortunately i am married and i couldn't have you again.''

"I know and i know that he never loves you at all like i use to love you back why can't you see the difference? oh i know you married him so you can have a catholic heir and to gain a power of Catholics again i also know you lied-"

"because i thought i might conceive a child i never knew that i am dying and the cancer had been spread all over me, Philip i was heartbroken and i burned protestant for their punishment for not converting to their own faith."

"But it is still selfish Mary you hurt so many people including me.. since i am a Lutheran i can't believe this so many people Mary."

"Anger just reign over me and i couldn't control myself."

"I never stop loving you for who you are, i know you are still the sweet princess i have known before and you will never change to me."

He cupped his hand to my face and kiss my forehead and stares into my eye

"You are still the most beautiful princess that i have met before i wouldn't blame you for being like this Mary i know you are just angry about your past if only i could turn back the time i would just to be with you so none of this would've happen."

"Philip please i need to be with you so badly."

"Close your eyes now my queen, and i promise you nothing can separate from us again.''

Queen Mary 1 of England died at the age of 42 from ovarian cancer she passed away in the morning her mistake cause her sister Elizabeth to change it and make the England protestant friendly environment her reign called "The Golden Age."