Life of a Secondary Character - Secondary School

Week 3

September 23rd

This week was okay. Same as usual: pretty boring...

On Monday nothing much happened, or maybe it did but I just don't remember but I feel like it was something sad so I don't really mind forgetting....

On Tuesday, we went to watch a movie after school... The friend who wanted to go to the trip was like: "Remember that you gotta stay with me!! And don't go to your science classmates!!" and guess what she did? SHE WAS THE ONE WHO REPLACED WITH SOMEONE ELSE! THE HYPOCRISY!!! Is this really how the world works?? You just go with someone else and leave behind the person who you were telling to not leave?? You expect me to not leave when you leave?!?!? Like... am I a wipe or a tissue that you just use once and then throw away?

But honestly, I think it's not my problem nor is it hers..... or maybe it is mine, my personality, but I am tired of always changing myself just to please other, it requires too much energy that I don't have... If everyone did that, friendships wouldn't last long right? 

It's mainly a problem of those who don't WANT to spend time to understand me... Maybe I'm not interesting enough, maybe I'm too plain and too easy to read, maybe I'm not worth anyone's time... I didn't build a fortress to keep people away from me but to see who cares enough to break them, but I think no one ever will, people will just try to find a shelter when it is needed and as soon as the situation is over, leave without turning around to bid farewell

So my motto is: just keep doing what you do, I will watch and help but remember that I am ready to turn a blind eye when you need me the most... just like you do, fair and just, isn't it? But I never have the courage to do that...

Other than this, the movie was okay and I honestly expected a lot more but can't complain... I just have a REALLY important question

WHY DO COOL AND HOT MEN GO AFTER relatively WEAK GIRLS???

If you have the answer, pls help

On Wednesday, we had 6th lesson for the first time and incredibly I didn't feel as tired as I expected. Usually, after getting home and eat my lunch, I mostly fall asleep... I think that is my way of escaping this world of loneliness where I don't find anyone who understands me and all the emotional stress I go through everyday by going to school.

Thursday was probably an okay day. Everything in the norm, just history repeating itself. I realized something though... the reason why I hate when people say my name... it's because I think I consider myself too useless and unworthy of anyone's time that whenever says my name, it shows somewhat of importance and feels too weird, like people care about me, and that is such an alien feeling to me that it sets me off... When I shared this viewpoint with one of my science classmate, the one that easily forgets things, she was like: "Wow, that's so depressing!"

Friday was the best day of the week. I didn't have to go through the usual hell during lunch time... as I had to go to an appointment!! But break was kinda sad as it once again confirmed the usual: they just see me as a lonely person who needs to save her reputation so they're just being polite by letting me sit with them all the time. You can clearly see it whenever they walk, it's just the two of them talking and never once do they question "where's _______?" or "should we go find her?" Sometimes they see me but they simply don't acknowledge me and just go on their usual route. I guess it hurts but I think over time I will become numb to this pain...

But for once I wasn't constantly reminded of being a burden to the people around me. The appointment finished pretty fat then we went to a Lebanese restaurant to have lunch. The food was good but the salad had a weird taste so I didn't eat. It felt kinda old and there was something that just didn't seem to be tasty. But the drink was good!! I think it was called Roza... I initially didn't want to drink anything just water, but then my sister ordered 3 glasses of Lemona, and then she went to the toilet and I noticed that the price of Lemona and Roza was the same so I just asked the waitress if I could have Roza (I actually asked if they could add rose syrup) and she brought a small shot cup with a tiny amount of rose syrup so I was able to taste it and it was enough for everyone so at the end, we just drunk Roza instead of Lemona. 

After lunch, we went to the Natural History Museum but the big whale's fossils weren't on exhibition!! So we just looked around and saw rock, gems, and a dinosaur's fossils. Also there was a really pretty space underneath the first stage of the earth, which was lighted in a way that it seemed like it was a stage and took many photos of the place empty, and then I took one of my sister and I asked to take one of me too but obviously, the place had to fill up with people passing by and she couldn't find the right angle so at the end she didn't even take one picture!! That was so frustrating!! But over all, the day was good. (Even though I fell and scraped my knee and hands while running to get the bus and my school trousers got ruined a bit, but we don't mention that)

Saturday was kinda boring. Nothing much happened, the usual boring weekend. But guess what? The two friends that usually ignore me had fun! Lots of fun to say the least! And obviously, they sent me pictures like I'd get jealous, maybe I did a little bit but couldn't care less. I didn't reply coz I didn't know how to so I just left the notification there... Guess on Monday expects me a lot of stories from today....

Well yeah, this was my week and inshaAllah next week will be better!!