Life of a Secondary Character - Secondary School

Week 12

December 3rd

I thought that updating this journal kind of thing would not be useful as nothing happened in these last 2 months, and remembering small little details would just worsen my state. 

So here's a summary of what happened (excluding bad things, as I can't remember when they exactly happened):

Week 6 --> nothing to say, except that I don't understand how ruthless people can be and how ignorant they are

Week 7 --> nothing to say, are you seriously saying that getting rid of little children is JUST a collateral effect?!?!

Week of Half-Term --> my birthday, yayy!! My classmates wished me happy birthday towards the end of the day but that's still good, isn't it? Plus, I returned to my hometown!!! Not gonna celebrate an important year of my life in a place that only made me feel bad and broken, with no one to celebrate with. Lived a good week away from anything depressing!!

Week 8 --> nothing happened but how heartless can humans be??

Week 9 --> time to prepare for exams!!! But I didn't study till Saturday, hehe  -_-" That was expected of me though

Week 10 --> Exams started and most of them I feel like they were good

Week 11 --> last week of exams. Physics and Geography a complete flop to end with. I should have taken it seriously :'-) Skipped the last 2 days of lessons coz my smart brain had the great idea of telling the language teachers that I can speak both Italian and French and I wanna do those exams. Didn't regret this decision though.

Week 12 --> current week 

Time flies, doesn't it? It's already December and I feel like nothing has been accomplished. We need to start working, people!!! We need to conquer everything in our capabilities. We need to fight, even if no one is by our side!!

I don't know why but I feel like I don't really have friends, I feel like I'm just a soul who is wandering the Earth and doing nothing at all. Being a nuisance, not being a positive nor a negative impact. I'm just a soul with no purpose or attachments. 

The people I thought I was close to say "I don't really think you're close to anyone at all..." Am I just an acquaintance with no one who they took under their protection just not to make me feel worse? 

Am I really no one? 

Do I not play a role in any life?

Will I always be this way?

Why is it hard to trust people?

Why does no one see the good in me?

Why does everyone not want to understand me?

It's coz I'm boring. Yeah, that's probably the reason.

But is it really my fault if I don't like what people of my age like?

They're too superficial and meaningless. I want to live a great life and have a great, positive, catalytic impact on the world. 

I want to help. 

I want people to be happy. 

I want to see light in everyone who I pass by.

Is this impossible to achieve?

By one single soul who can't even befriend anyone?

That sounds like a dream to me.

An illusion to say the least...

But then again...

What am I really here for?