Life of a Secondary Character - Secondary School

Week 19

February 11th

I need to be more consistent with updating this sorta journal but anyways....

the reason I barely write is: life has nothing interesting to offer at the moment.

I genuinely can't remember much that happened, I just know that this period of time felt quite bad, like I felt lonelier than usual but I keep feeling like I am too easy to read and I am keeping people away

I can't recall anything that happened :((((((((

Sadly, I didn't even update my diary regularly!! There's a huge gap! It's like 3 weeks worth of life did not even exist....

So as I said, I don't remember much from the past 4 weeks but I do remember  a few things ;)

--First, I have done the IMC (maths challenge) and was close to getting into the range for the olympiads but didnt'

The last question had an infinity option but obviously my brain had to multitask and do 2 questions and not read the options. Thanks brain <3

-- Second, my speech that I was stressing about went pretty well. I did it on Middle Child Syndrome and had a few people reading it. Mr Computer Science also read it and made fun of it but I still decided to go on with it without changing anything. 

Ugh, at the end, people started clapping before I finished and me, being the impatient smartass just decided to shush them with a signal of my hand that only teachers do. Stupid.

But the good thing is I still got Distinction <33 Thanks miss <33

-- I had to write a 800 word essay on why I want to join a sixth form... are we serious?? 

I wrote 700 but then it turns out that they don't even bother reading teh long ones so I tried reducing it to 500 but was only able to cut it to 600

I waffled too much if I'm being completely honest and I was putting all the expectations on them coz I kept saying "I have trust in you".... I was kinda putting the pressure on them, wasn't I?

-- I also found out something unexpected about a friend of mine... although I did kinda expect it in some way but it was really shocking!! 

-- I also started writing poems, they're pretty bad too :/

I shared them with someone, and she instantly guessed that I was the one who wrote it HAHAH

I was also trying really hard to confuse her but the lies were piling up and didn't make sense

And at then end, she shared one too. She initially she found it on Pinterest but I was kinda skeptic but still believed her but it was her. She was the writer

She wrote many more poems and they are very very good!!! I like them a lot !!

I started writing poems because another friend wrote a poem and she shared it with me and it was soooo cutee<33

And as a result, I was inspired to write something down but was terrible. You can see them on tumblr if u want to.

Last point I wanna make: how is it possible that I fell for someone I can't have? Like he is not even real!!! And yet here I am, still wanting all the best possible for him and I also want him to be happy. I want to be the person whom he'll find happiness in. And it's also kinda bothering me that all people see in him is just a pretty face....

I'll be honest, I hated him at first. Like really despised him, he annoyed very very much....

But somehow I started seeing all the secrets he was hiding behind that facade of his luminous smile.... And I guess I wanted him to be happy but somehow in the process, I know that I can't have him.

All I created in my head was an idea of him, it wasn't him.

Plus, ohter people claim him, and they are far better than I am.

I need to see him happy and genuine, even if I will never be part of it.

And with this, I conclude my summary of these 4 weeks.

I'll try update more regularly, every week <33

Next week is the summary of my half-term break