Collide

Forty-Nine

Loki watched her, as she sat on the large chair by his window, staring out across the grounds, to her house in the distance. He didn't know what had happened, for her to return, nor could he read her, not that he wanted to, he wanted to wait until she was ready to talk. She hadn't left that room for two days, only moving to sit in the chair because he made her.

She had been silent, other than crying. It was clear that she was only now allowing herself to grieve, to mourn her loss. Loki placed the tray on the table next to the chair, and took the other seat across from her. Wanda hadn't minded that Astrid was in their room, and Loki had slept in the bed next to her, it was clear, his sister needed him right now.

'Please Astrid, you need to eat something. Carson will be here in a few hours to see you, and Thor is returning from the mission this evening..'.. He spoke softly, seeing her completely spaced out.

'I..'.. He watched as she blinked a few times, sniffling as she tugged on her sleeves... 'I cheated on Bruce. Only a year after losing him, and I fuck someone else..'.. She dropped her head into her hands, sobbing... 'I'm a horrible person! Who does that!..'

Loki was stunned for a moment, that wasn't what he was expecting her to say, but, he was struck with the memory of Bruce, giving him a letter. Only to give it to Astrid, when she had begun to move on... 'Sister, that is not cheating, not at all. You know Bruce would not want you holding onto him, he would want you to be happy..'... He reached over, taking her hands from her face... 'You feel guilty for it..'.. It wasn't a question, just an observation.

Astrid nodded, pulling a hamd from his and conjuring tissues to wipe her face... 'So much guilt. I'm guilty for not grieving when I was supposed to, instead I ran off and went hunting with Wade. The things I did, Bruce wouldn't have liked me doing, I hurt so many, so bad. I feel guilty, for not being here, being with my family when they needed me, guilt for so much..'

Loki had a feeling he knew the real reason... 'It was Wade you slept with?..'

'Fuck! Why?! Why him? Why didn't either of them say anything to me?..'.. She dropped her head back against the chair.

Loki had no idea what she was talking about... 'Who?..'.. He watched as she conjured envelopes, and handed them over to him.

'Read them in that order. The last one is what Wade had..'.. She wiped her face again, and picked up the tea from the tray.

Loki did as she said, opening each one. He felt his throat thicken, at the first, knowing how much Bruce and Astrid loved one another. He frowned at the second one, only a line, but the third explained it all, even he knew Wade was in love her, he had seen it. Not to mention, the man's thoughts were irritatingly loud. He cleared his throat and handed them back to her... 'I think you need to start from the beginning, from when you left..'

So she did. She told him everything, since she had received her letters last year, to her falling down a dark road, all those that she hurt and she didn't leave out a single detail. To the fights with Wade, all the way to what had happened a few days ago, when she last saw him.

'Did you want to sleep with him?..'.. Loki asked, trying not to upset her.

'No. Yes..'.. She shook her head... 'I don't know..'.. She placed her empty cup back on the tray... 'Yes, ok, I did. For a few weeks before that, I had been having dreams of Wade, sexual ones. I don't know if it's because it had been so long since I had been with Bruce, the fights, our missions, the fact that we've been side by side for a year. Or that fucking letter..'... She gestured to it, on the table.

'That is new. You curse a lot more..'.. Loki pointed to her with a small smile... 'Can I be honest with you?.'.. She nodded to him... 'We have all seen your friendship with Wade, and even Bruce could not understand it, but it had always been clear, how important Wade is to you..'

He held his hand up as she went to speak... 'Even when we went to save him from Eric, it was clear, you love Wade. Maybe you didn't think it was more than friendship, but to the rest of us, we could see it. Bruce spoke to Thor and I, he never had an issue with you both, he knew how much you needed Wade, you have a bond than no one else could give you..'

He watched her shake her head... 'You used to tell Wade you loved him, and then it changed to you hate him. Why? We know when it changed, after you married Bruce, but why did you stop saying it? You tell everyone else you love them, often I might add, but not him, not anymore..'

Astrid had no idea what to say. She just froze, thinking back, she did love Wade, he was her best friend, and she did tell him that, didn't she?

'Astrid..'.. Lokis voice brought her out of her thoughts, seeing him sit forward, holding out an envelope... 'It is time to give this to you..'

She covered her mouth, and burst out crying again, as her other hand shook, taking it from him... 'Would you like me to stay with you?..'.. He asked.

'I-I can't re-read it. Y-you read it, please Loki..'..She sobbed out, and sat back, bringing her knees up, her eyes still on the envelope.

Loki took a deep breath and opened it, pulling out the letter. His eyes scanned over it, before flicking to his sister quickly and back down...

'You made a promise on our bond, that you wouldn't give up, and I'm reminding you not to. You deserve this chance at happiness again Asti, you deserve to love, and be loved in return.

Please don't feel guilty for moving on, I want you to, no matter if its a day, month, year, or how ever long it is. I'm not going to lie, but I'm kinda rooting for you and Wade, if there is anyone who could handle you, its him.

I believe in you Asti, and more than anything, I believe that you deserve so much happiness. When the time comes, that you get this, I can only hope, you've taken a chance to love again.

I know you'll believe no one can replace me, and that's not what's happening. Instead, it's me, watching over you, and making sure you have a little room in your heart, in you life, for someone else to love you as much I do.

Let me go Asti, it's time. Just know, that when the time comes to meet again, I'll be the first in a long line, to love you all over again.

Always, and eternally, Bruce..'

Astrid buried her head into her knees, breaking completely. She didn't feel herself get moved, but Loki had picked her up, and moved to lay her on the bed, wrapping her up in a hug, and letting her cry it all out.

😘