I wish,
you'd look at me
like the way
I look at you
I wish,
you'd search for me
like the way
I search for you
wherever I go
I wish,
you'd love me
like the way
I love you
But I know you
do not want me,
and I know you
will never be mine
It breaks...
The two boys sit together as they cuddle with one another. Caressing each other's delicate faces as giggles fill the room. The three others watching somewhat amused but also somewhat disgusted. But one of them seething with jealousy as he watches his crush having so much fun with someone else.
"Soobin-hyung, you shouldn't be jealous. He isn't even yours" Taehyun whispers, watching his hyung glaring at the couple. Soobin knows he shouldn't be jealous but it is just so hard to watch his crush finding solace in another, that isn't himself [Soobin].
No matter how many things were said or how many things were done, Soobin just couldn't stop falling harder and harder for his crush. Every day becoming more of a challenge. Struggling to accept the fact that his crush is now happier with someone else
"Ahem, we have practice if you two don't mind" Soobin huffs, tone angrier than ever, his eyes looking at the two giggling boys with murder on his mind.
"Ah right, sorry hyung. We lost track of time" Beomgyu chuckles, pulling Yeonjun along. As Yeonjun passes Soobin, he could have sworn he saw Soobin's eyes twitch as if he were angry at them.
Fuck you, Soobin curses under his breath as the group of five walk to their dance studio.
The music starts playing from the speakers. The five effortlessly dancing, constantly refining the choreography over and over again. Finally, the painful hours of dancing have come to an end.
Soobin approaches Yeonjun, about to begin a conversation with the elder, but as he is doing so, Beomgyu interrupts and pulls Yeonjun away. The two of them hold hands as they exit the building about to go on a star-gazing date. They have been planning to get some time alone and now is the best time, no more practices afterwards, and they finally have all the time they need.
The cold air hits Soobin, Taehyun and Huening Kai as they walk in the opposite direction, heading back to their dorm. Soobin looks up to the night sky through the car window, elbow propped up against the armrest as he sighs, wishing he had his way. His mind piles with thoughts but one particular memory makes its way to Soobin's brain. Just remember, that you're like the sun, the moon, and even the stars. Because with them I can see everything else. They all light up the world and my world. During the day, the sun burns with passion as it lights up the world. The night is filled with both stars and the moon, pushing away the complete darkness and allowing the light to shine so everyone can see amidst all the darkness. Soobin take care of yourself for me. I may be leaving but I will always be in your heart. I will be your conscience and guide you through the toughest of days. Thank you Soobin-ah for being my best friend.
The most gut-wrenching goodbye ever. The goodbye of his best friend. The friend who led him out of the dark tunnel and into the bright side. The friend who accepted Soobin for himself, no strings attached. The friend who teased him, no matter the seriousness of the situation. The friend who was always there for him [Soobin]. The friend who drew stars around his [Soobin] scars.
Tears fell onto Soobin's cheeks as he felt himself about to tear up, reminiscing about his best friend who left him. Perhaps he too is nearing his end. He slightly coughs a little, feeling a sharp pain in his throat as he coughs up red spider lilies onto his hand, that are covered with blood stains. Tiny bits of blood drip onto his pants, staining them. He didn't seem to mind. If loving Yeonjun meant suffering in pain which led to death and not forgetting about his crush, then he would let the flowers engulf him and kill himself. More coughs left his mouth as more and more red spider lilies came out, choking Soobin as they left his lungs.
"Hyung, I know you're in love with Yeonjun hyung but you need to do something about it. It seems he is in love with Beomgyu, move on. You can't let this carry on, you're going to die from it" Huening Kai mumbles, holding Soobin's hand as he looks up to his hyung's eyes, full of tears.
"Or just get it surgically removed. It will put you out of your misery" Taehyun pipes in.
"I-I don't w-want to forget him and the memories I made with him. I-I l-love him too much." Soobin stutters, realising the truth. He loves his hyung too much to forget him, even if it means death.
"Then please at least let him know that you love him. That way you might feel a weight off your shoulders" Taehyun says, rubbing Soobin's back in desperate measures to comfort the elder.
------------------------------------------------------------------ (Yeonjun and Beomgyu's star-gazing date)
Beomgyu lays on Yeonjun as they watch the stars in the night illuminate the dark, vast sky. The silence is visible until Beomgyu speaks.
"Hyung, look. A shooting star! Stop staring at me and make a wish" Beomgyu exclaims, closing his eyes. I wish to stay in love with Yeonjun hyung until the end of time
Yeonjun chuckles at the younger's antics, closing his eyes as well and wishing. I wish to forever remain in love with Beomgyu until death takes my hand.
Yeonjun opens his eyes and finds the younger one staring at him with big puppy eyes. He [Yeonjun] knew what Beomgyu wanted. Yeonjun gently placed his lips upon Beomgyu's and kissed him, sending sparks flying everywhere. Love is definitely in the air. Beomgyu giggles as he pulls away from the kiss. Yeonjun is currently internally screaming at his boyfriend's cuteness. How can someone be hot and cute at the same time? Well, Beomgyu can.
"I love you" Yeonjun whispers, kissing Beomgyu again. "I love you too" Beomgyu answers, kissing his boyfriend back.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I love you" Soobin whispers, hand against the window sill. 'I love you too much to forget you and the happy memories we shared'
Eight letters, three words, and many meanings.
For Yeonjun, his words meant the love he shares with Beomgyu, the promise to love Beomgyu until the end of time and the way he accepts and loves Beomgyu for who he is.
For Soobin, his words meant the love he would never be returned. The love that lingered every time he thought of him. The love he has for his elder, wishing he would love him and look at him just like he does with his boyfriend. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Soobin falls back onto his bed as his mind clouds with thoughts of him. Why is it so hard to forget him and fall out of love with him? Maybe because he knows that he is engraved in his heart and unable to leave.
He coughs, and flowers of all kinds specifically red spider lilies flow out, scraping his throat as they come out. Blood trickles down his throat as he pushes the newly coughed up flowers onto the floor, joining the other flowers which spread on the floor, creating a miniature garden. The flowers start surrounding the bed, almost creating a spotlight on his bed, just as if they were watching Soobin suffer and slowly lose himself as yearns for his love.
"Why can't he love me?" tears falling down the lovesick boy's red puffy face. Slowly and silently, Soobin cries himself to sleep.
