I wish,
you'd look at me
like the way
I look at you
I wish,
you'd search for me
like the way
I search for you
wherever I go
I wish,
you'd love me
like the way
I love you
But I know you
do not want me,
and I know you
will never be mine
It breaks...
The morning sun shining from the sky. The morning birds calling out to each other. The morning smell of fresh rain water is truly a refreshing thing.
Ever since Soobin was hospitalized, the members have been waiting outside for hours just to hear those reassuring words, 'he's going to be okay'. And they did.
"He's awake" the nurse smiles at the boys as they run to greet their leader. Not exactly the words they wanted to hear but good enough for them.
Soobin greets his members with a gently smile on his face, telling them that he's going to make it. The sight of his state breaks Yeonjun's heart deeply. The pale skin, the chapped lips, the tired eyes and his body's weak. Never once had he seen Soobin so sick.
"I thought I was going to loose you" Yeonjun cries as he hugs Soobin and caresses his [Soobin] cheeks, squishing them in the process. Soobin feels tears sliding down his face as he hugs his hyung back.
"You won't. I'll always be in your heart" Soobin whispers, slightly jabbing Yeonjun's chest. Beomgyu softly smiles at Soobin before leaving the room along with Taehyun and Huening Kai to give Yeonjun and Soobin some time.
"Just don't do that shit anymore" Yeonjun pouts as Soobin gives a dry chuckle before breaking into a coughing fit. Petals, flowers, branches, sticks and leaves come out. Blood spewing from the side of his mouth.
"Soobin, get the surgery please. It's not worth it" Yeonjun begs, wiping Soobin's blood from his [Soobin] chin with his [Yeonjun] thumb.
"I can't afford to forget you hyung. You've played a massive part in my life and I don't want to let that go to waste" Soobin admits as Yeonjun stands there, unsure of what to say. "You're special to me. I know I shouldn't be in love with you considering you're with Beomgyu but I just can't stop myself from falling harder every day for you. Forgetting you is the last thing I want to do"
"But why did you choose me? I'm nothing good" Yeonjun interjects.
"I didn't just choose you. I took one single fucking glance and then there was no turning back" Soobin says as a nurse enters the room with an unpleasant look on her face.
"Soobin" the nurse starts, as she gives a single nod before walking out again.
"What's going on?" Yeonjun asks, confused.
"Well, I'm leaving" Soobin finds the courage to tell his hyung. "Soon"
"What" is the only thing Yeonjun is able to say.
"My hanahaki is reaching it's worst. The vines are strangling my lungs and I'm finding it more and more difficult to breath, I cough a lot more and I'm losing life" Soobin explains as Yeonjun bursts into tears again.
Just as the words came out of his [Soobin] mouth, the other three enter Soobin's room, eyes all red and puffy. They begin saying their final goodbyes to their beloved leader. Each taking turns to bid Soobin a farewell.
Taehyun gave a heartbreaking speech about his admiration and appreciation for Soobin despite their little 'issue'.
'Soobin hyung, I'm terribly sorry that we have to end our friendship like this. I never intended it to be like this. I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for always being there for me when times got rough or when I just wanted someone to talk to. You were always there for me. I also wanted to tell you that I deeply admire you. The fact that you are willing to try anything. Your selflessness and your bravery. I don't say this a lot but I love you Soobin hyung. I always will. Goodbye for now. As I'm dying soon too, I hope to see you soon'
Huening Kai told Soobin about his love and admiration for Soobin.
'Soobinnie hyung. I love you so much, I hope you know that. I admire you and look up to you every day. Every day is a new challenge but I manage to strive with your leadership. My love for you is much more than my love for my plushies and I hope you find love in your next life. Soobinnie hyung, you have been an amazing role model to me and I wanted to say that I am grateful for every sacrifice you have given up for me, for us. Soobinnie hyung, please promise me that you will be happy in the next life. I love you'
Beomgyu spoke about his gratitude and love for his leader, Choi Soobin.
'Soobin hyung, we may have not gotten onto a good start as you and I love the same person. I just wanted to say thank you for never physically interfering with Yeonjun and I's relationship, you are truly a wonderful person. I know I always tease you but just so you know, I do that for fun and in reality, I love you so much. Please take care of yourself and be happy in your next life. Make sure you find someone who loves you back in the next life. I love you Choi Soobin'
And finally, Yeonjun just hugged Soobin without letting go as tears flowed down his cheeks as he mumbles things.
'I'm sorry I couldn't love you. I'm sorry for inflicting so much pain on you. I want you to know how much I love you. Even though I won't be able to love you back the way you do in this life, I hope you find someone who loves you and you love them back in the next life. I wish for your happiness, your health, your everything to be perfect. Please and I'm begging you to stop chasing someone who is unattainable and love who you have, I don't want to see you like this again. I hope you find yourself in another life. Thank you for being the best leader anyone could ever ask for. Choi Soobin, I love you and I always will.'
"Choi Yeonjun, I love you too and I always will. I will always love you from close up and afar, no matter where you are. Maybe in another life we were meant to be, so I will go first to see if it's true"
After Yeonjun and Soobin finished talking, Soobin beckoned Beomgyu to come over and told Yeonjun to stand away for a while. Yeonjun had tears running down his cheeks, he couldn't even be bothered to wipe them, he just wants to watch Soobin before it was too late.
"Choi Beomgyu, I trust you to take care of Yeonjun hyung or else I'll come and haunt you" Soobin warns.
"I will. Soobin hyung, whoever you are, go find him in another life and love him all over again. You two are meant for each other" Beomgyu whispers, stepping back with the others.
Soobin signals for Yeonjun to come to him and Yeonjun follows. Soobin gives his hyung one last final hug and kiss on the lips (which Beomgyu allowed) before Yeonjun joins the rest.
"I will see you guys again when the road decides it's time for our paths to cross again" Soobin bids farewell to his members as he eyes feel heavy. His breath slows down.
The last thing he hears before he falls into the darkness is 'WE LOVE YOU CHOI SOOBIN. FAREWELL'
