lamentation | r.aiden ei

4

!! implied suicidal thoughts, implied attempt

The weekend had arrived a lot quicker than you wanted, as you'd been dreading it all week. Sure, you agreed. And sure, you meant to see it through. It's just you couldn't stop thinking about having to be stuck in a getaway with Ei. You still weren't entirely okay with seeing her face, it reminding you too much of Makoto, plus what happened in the elevator.

But you didn't have enough time to think about that!

Sara was already packing you guys' bags anyway.

"So the cabins we go to are kind of high up the mountain area, so it's a lot colder than them down here." Sara waves her hand nonchalantly as she pulls out last seasons sweaters. "But don't worry, i'm pretty sure all of the cabins are equipped with heaters. Mine is anyway."

You softly rub at your elbow. "About that, you did check with Yae to make sure I'm rooming with you... right?"

Sara's head shoots up and she groans. "I knew I forgot something," Suddenly she's up and moving to the door past you. "Keep packing! I'll call her now."

With her departure you're able to release a heavy sigh you knew full well you were keeping in. You walk over to the bag and peek through the stuff she did pack, wanting to pull out anything unflattering, but also things too flattering. Through peaking around, that's how you landed on it. A soft purple sweater and before you know it your frantically shoving things aside to get to it, not exactly caring about the mess you're making.

You have to get it out.

With everything that was previously in the suitcase now littered around the bed and the floor, you stand solely in the middle holding the soft cloth in your hands. The way it almost warms with life under your touch makes your head spin. And you can still smell the hints of flowers, dull rain, her perfume. Your heart tugs— are there tears in your eyes? Shit. There are.

Here you are; crying over a sweater.

But you can't help it— the sweater brings you back to her.

"So Yae said she'd see what she could do given the short notice," With Sara's voice breaking your small dissociation, you shove the sweater behind you as if that would help just as she enters. "But that's Yae for 'I'll do it, I just want to mess with you first'."

Sara freezes when her eyes finally land on the mess of the room, and you; standing like a scolded child who stole cookies and tried to hide them. The peeks of the soft purple sweater conveniently sway for her to see, and her face immediately softens. She doesn't say anything, instead softly bends around and picks up the clothes you'd thrown out during the haze of spotting it.

"Go sit, I'll clean this up." Sara confirms softly, moving past you and squeezing your waist once. You nod along and silently move to the clean side of your bed, clutching the sweater like it's a part of your own body, you leave your back facing her as if too ashamed to see what you've done.

Too ashamed to see her picking up the pieces of your life.

"I'm sorry..." You whisper after an eternity of silence. It eats away at you; the guilt. Guilt for putting her through this, guilt for putting your hands on Ei, and most of all guilt for everything with Makoto.

"Please don't apologize," Kujou Sara has never been one to get people's feelings, but some how... you think she gets yours. Or she's trying to get it anyway. Whatever she's doing, it's working. "You don't need to be sorry for having feelings, Y/n."