Death By A Thousand Cuts

Glass Half Empty

Emily's POV: 

I wanted to scream. I wanted to go back and undo everything that happened until four years ago. I wanted Y/n to fight for me but deep down I knew that's because I wanted myself to have fought for her all those years ago. I knew this was all my doing and I knew I said things that were just plain foul and untrue. I made my way back to my hotel room and couldn't have been more thankful for the mini bar. I opened four shooters and concocted a stiff drink for myself as I sat on the edge of the bed. 

   "Why do you do this to yourself" I muttered into the empty room before taking my first sip. 

A million 'why's' danced through my mind. Such as, why fall in love when I know my heart could break. Why try to get ahead when there's no guarantee I could in fact get ahead. Why drink when reality is just a morning away. And why pray to god when I don't even have any proof he's even there. Even listening. Why believe that everything happens for a reason when I know there is truly not a reason for everything. Sometimes, things are just shit. And that's life. There is no why. No reasoning behind it. No greater purpose or hidden meaning. Maybe it's the job that has turned me into a pessimist, because  I know I didn't always see the glass as half empty. But lately, I'm not sure it's even that. The glass might just be straight up broken. 

Before too long I realized the actual glass in my hand was empty. I contemplated a refill and ultimately ended up unscrewing the caps of four more little bottles. Then I heard a loud knock at my door. 

    "Dave?" I asked as I opened it. 

   "You smell like a Jameson distillery" he raised his eyebrow as he let himself in. 

   "Yeah, I guess I decided to take advantage of the mini bar" I smiled weakly.

   "I need you to do something for me" he said as he took the other glass on the counter and poured himself a drink. 

   "what's that?" 

   "why are you here?" 

   "Well, we're working a case..."  I looked at him concerned. 

   "that's not what I mean" 

    "Okay, well, then what do you mean?" 

   "why are you sitting in this room alone?" 

   "I'm not sure I follow?" I took another sip from glass. 

   "don't bullshit me Emily, why are you here when Y/n is alone in her room?" 

Taken back by his bluntness I took a deep breath. 

   "it's complicated" I stated. 

   "enlighten me" 

I groaned. 

   "There's not enough time to explain four years of that in a night Rossi"

    "I don't need you to explain four years. All I want to know is why you aren't telling that woman how much you love her now.  I want to know why you're letting yourself put your inflated ego before her. Why you refuse to put aside your damn pride and start acting like the determined, brilliant mind I know you are?" 

I let his words sink into my slightly intoxicated brain. I hated that he was right about everything. 

   "She doesn't want to see me Dave. I think I've done some irreparable damage" my head hung low as I swirled my drink. 

   "I would disagree." he said sternly. "listen, I've been at this profiling bullshit for longer than I care to think about, I know things." 

   "I thought we had a rule against profiling team members?" I raised my eyebrows at him disapprovingly. 

   "Okay, for the sake of the 'rule', lets call it being in tune to my families emotions and behavior" he rolled his eyes. "Just think about it okay?" he stood up and made his way to the door. 

   "You're a pain in my ass you know" I looked over to him and smiled lightly. 

   "I love you too kid" he returned the smile and the door clicked shut. 

Y/n's POV after Emily left her room:

I knew I fucked up. I should never have slept with Aaron. It was such a stupid cliche way to numb my suffering. It was so immature and stupid and now I not only hurt Emily, but Aaron was involved. 

   "fuck!" I shouted as I ran my fingers through my hair, and grabbed my room key. 

Before I left, I took a shot from the mini fridge and chalked it up to liquid courage. I made my way to Hotch's room and knocked at the door. 

   "Hey" he ushered me in. 

   "Aaron, we should talk" I spoke softly. 

He turned and looked at me with soft eyes before avoiding eye contact all tougher, staring at the ground. 

  "We can't see each other like this anymore right?" he said plainly. 

  "It's my fault. I shouldn't have gotten involved with you, it was..." I paused as I fought back tears. "it was too soon. And I shouldn't have let my emotions get the best of me. Hotch, I'm so sorry I brought you into all of this" 

He nodded and looked at me. 

   "Listen, it was one night. I knew better too. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit disappointed, but I also don't want to be involved with someone who doesn't want me back. Besides, it was no strings remember?" 

   "why are you being so understanding" I asked as I swallowed my want to start sobbing. 

   "because love is complicated. And not always clear at times. I know that all too well and it doesn't take a behavioral analyst to know that you're in love with someone, and that someone isn't me." 

   "I don't regret anything we did Aaron" I let a few tears fall down my cheeks. 

   "I don't either Y/n, but it's okay to do the right thing. Unfortunately the right and the hard things are sometimes the same." he took a step towards me and gave me a hug. 

   "thank you" I whispered in his ear. "I care about you a lot I hope you know that" 

   "I care about you too" he replied "and this doesn't change that"  I gave him a warm smile before exiting his room. 

My heart broke which I didn't think it could anymore than it already was. I knew Emily's room was just a floor above his and as I got in the elevator I thought about going to her. I wasn't sure what to do really. I figured it was for the best, to just go get some rest. But I doubt I would be able to find any solace in a good nights sleep. 

I decided to take a ride up to the fourth floor and as I approached Emilys room and was about to knock...