Homeless

Chapter 28

Everything sailed smoothly after that. Starlight composed herself and nodded at Jay.

"What do you want me to do?"

Jay had her acting as if he was actually a client. Then he asked her questions in a seemingly innocent conversation, questions that would make it clear she was underage and working there against her will.

After that, he gave her a small camera that she would easily stick somewhere in the living quarters of the Dispensables. Jay wouldn't be allowed up there. Only very regular and long time clients were.

After what was an appropriate amount for Mr. Rajan to have indulged his pleasure, Jay left. As he did, he planted a camera in the waiting room of the guests' wing where all kinds of activities were already taking place.

When Jay finally stepped out of the compound and Danny assured us the planted cameras were working properly, I could breathe easier.

We left Chris' office. The drive home was shorter than I would've liked. Mark was still awake in the backseat. He'd played to his heart's content in the office next door on a gigantic screen.

The pressure in my chest increased the closer we got home. Nathaniel kept glancing at me, his dark eyes seeing right into me. I felt like my heart was about to implode when we were finally in the apartment.

After Mark was asleep. I drew a bath and sank into the clear warm water. Slowly, the knot of emotions I had shoved away began to unravel.

The first sob echoed in the quiet bathroom, loud and clear. Tears flowed down my cheeks, a waterfall the flimsy walls of my will could no longer hold back.

Guilt, shame, fear, hate, anger, despair. So many dark feelings, which had been held at bay, now roared to the surface, free and demanding to be acknowledged. I didn't know how to deal with it all. It was such a mess, and I had no idea how to make it go away. So I just kept crying.

I hugged my knees to my chest and tucked my head in. My chest heaved with loud gasps, the vise around my throat only growing tighter as fat tears rolled down, melting into the clear water of the bath.

Would I ever get rid of the rotten taste of my past inside of me? If the House ceased to exist, would I finally be free of its hold?

I didn't know, and that scared me. The thought that I would be living in the shadows of the House long after it was gone scared the breath out of me.

I held my breath and sank down underwater. I opened my eyes. The surface of the water rippled, blurring the white ceiling. It would be so easy to just let go, so very easy...

Bubbles drifted from my lips up to the surface. My lungs burned, screaming for oxygen. I sat up with a loud gasp, sucking in big gulps of precious air.

I shivered and looked at my hands. My fingers were wrinkled and the water was cooling down. I got out, dried my hair and dressed in a pair of fluffy pajamas and left the bathroom. The only light in my bedroom was the bedside lamp. My wallet and phone were the only items on the empty surface of the vanity. I had this room for a while now, yet it still didn't feel like my room yet. It was too bare, too impersonal still. I didn't know how to make it mine.

The therapist's card inside my wallet mocked me. I shook my head and walked to my bed.

Shuffling outside.

I paused and looked at the closed door. Someone was pacing in front of it.

I didn't want to see Nathaniel right now because he would see too much that I didn't want him to.

But I also wanted to see him. His face, his mere presence, made me feel like I could amount to more than just a walking collection of twisted experiences and memories.