Just For The Holidays

six

This.. this isn't happening. I felt my heart drop, I was shaking. Was this anger, anxiety? I couldn't breathe,  everything felt hot. My chest, face, stomach. "This isn't happening, Stella." I reassured myself quietly. I felt a lump in my throat, tears in my eyes. I felt like time stopped. "Maybe it's innocent, let me check who sent it—" HIS EX? THE ONE HE TOLD ME NOT TO WORRY ABOUT! THE ONE THAT TREATED HIM LIKE SHIT?
"Okay, this definitely not happening!" I tried catching my breath.
"Mija? Is everything okay?" Robin's mom asked from the other room.
"Yes, I'm so sorry! My favorite soccer team is losing?" I replied throwing my hands up questionably.  I got up and started pacing around his room.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He told me how he was cheated on in the past but did it to me? This is just a bad dream. I pinched myself. Nope. I'm still awake. I felt like throwing up. I felt anger. Sadness?
The bathroom door swung open before I could process everything.
"Man, that was a great shower—" Robin stopped and stared at me. "Are you okay?" his voice lowered. I looked at him glossy eyed.
"Did you cheat on me?" I whispered asking him. I lowered my face. I couldn't stare at him. Oh no, I'm feeling hot again. I can feel tears welling up.
"I'm- I'm sorry, w-what did you say?" Robin stammered.
"Did. You. Cheat. On. Me?" I gritted my teeth as I asked louder.
"I- uh- Yes." He stuttered lowering his head. "Stella, I was feeling lonely I—" he started reaching out towards me.
"Don't. Do. Not. Touch. Me." I put my hands up as I backed myself into his drawer. "Get the FUCK away from me!" I screamed as I grabbed my car keys off his nightstand.
"Mija, what's going on? Where are you going?" Robin's mom walked into the room pointing at my keys.
"Out." I growled. I could feel the anger building up.
"'Ama everything is fine, right Stella?" He narrowed his eyes at me.
I ran out the door. My bare feet hit the ground. My mind was blank. I couldn't think. I didn't know what to feel or how to feel. I started my car and played my music as loud as I could.
"Stella, come back please!" I heard Robin's voice drown through the music. "Shit."
I sped off and out the parking lot.
———
"Where am I even going? I don't even know the streets of Los Angeles." I screamed. Tears were streaming down my face. I didn't know what to do. I called Michael.
"Hello?" a groggy voice answered.
"He cheated on me!" I yelled at the phone.
"Woah. What?" I heard Michael question me louder over the phone.
"Michael, he cheated on me!" I started sobbing.
"Okay. Okay. First off, I hear wind, are you driving?"
"Yes, I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go. I—" I bursted out in a sob again.
"Stella. Please pull over. Please!" Michael begged. "I told you he was a piece of shit!"
"I KNOW MICHAEL, I KNOW I DON'T NEED THIS RIGHT NOW PLEASE STOP!" I yelled into the phone. "Look, Michael," I took a deep breath "I'll call you later." I hung up
———
I put navigation to the nearest park by Robin's house. I couldn't go back. I didn't want to go back. I parked in the parking lot and screamed gripping my wheel. I screamed until my voice was hoarse. I couldn't stop sobbing.
"How could he do this to me.. to us?" I kept asking myself in between breaths.
My phone was blowing up with phone calls from Robin, his mom and even his brother.
*Ding Ding Ding* I looked at the text messages on my phone.
"Mija please come home, it's late and dangerous out. I'm worried."
"Love, please let's talk about this."
"Hey, it's Alex. 'Ama is worried about you please come home."
I turned off my phone and threw it into the passenger seat. I lowered my my seat and laid down. While laying down, I remembered I had some leftover anxiety medication for panic attacks. I got up and searched my glove compartment.
"Jackpot."  I mumbled.
I didn't like this feeling. I felt like I was dying. I was so hurt. I kept thinking about the situation and it would make me scream bloody murder.
"Take 1 tablet 4 times a day as needed." I mumbled as I read the bottle, taking 7 tablets.