~December~
It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own
It’s snowing again.
Does it snow fluffy white particles in California? If it does, stick your tongue out and spin around like we did on that one December day.
I still remember the way you’d smile softly into the snow, your green eyes sparkling and tethering me to the ground. I know you’ve read Great Gatsby before, and even though this analogy may not make sense, I was just thinking the other day that you’re my green light.
You are the light that I strive to achieve in some distant future amongst the memories of out past. Sometimes, I wonder if searching for you is searching for the past rather than the future..
Lately, I’ve been having these thoughts.
When i was little, I was scared of monsters under the bed and in the closet, but now… now, the monsters have moved out from under the bed into my mind.
Lying awake in the dead hours of midnight are always the worst.
Those are the hours at which past images of your laugh and careless touch plague my mind, spinning webs about in my mind, but those thoughts aren’t so bad because they fill me a reminiscent, nostalgic feeling; like you never left and are still here.
Those thoughts hurt like heck.
But after those thoughts, comes the ‘what if’s’.
What if you stayed?
What if I caught your arm and stopped you from leaving?
What if…
Words as light as a feather but so quick to bring me to my knees.
If I ever have kids, one thing I will never say to them when they are upset is that there are kids dying everyday because it won’t change anything- they will still be hurt. No matter how many times I tell myself I will be ok, I won’t be any better than how I started off until I see-touch your face one last time.
I’m getting tired of these what if’s and I am starting to have emotions-you would probably call them reckless emotions- but nevertheless, I am starting to wonder how much it would cost to see you in sunny California.
I have no job. You know this. You have said many times that I am a lazy bum, and let me tell you; I am the best there is out there.
But if getting a job means seeing you, than I’ll do it.
I might not even give you this letter even though I have sent one everyday to you for the past four months, but maybe, just maybe, I will be able to tell you these things in person.
I miss you Mina.
I miss our little talks.
“I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side”
Je t'aime pour toujours,
Jace.
YOU ARE READING
Look After You {Completed}
Kısa Hikaye"Tʜᴇʀᴇ ɴᴏᴡ, sᴛᴇᴀᴅʏ ʟᴏᴠᴇ, sᴏ ғᴇᴡ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ɢᴏ" I sit quietly at the book drinking my coffee and watching the world whirl about me at a dizzying speed. It isn't until she walks in a flur of roasted coffee, powdered sugar and the tang of lemon...
