𝙲𝚕𝚊𝚠𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙵𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜

𝟓．𝐰𝐨𝐰, 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫!

my heart will never be, will never see, will never know,
oh heart, and then it falls, and then i fall, and then i know

KIO ✩

Ears occupied with: Hands Up
Current mood: normal
20/8/2023

I take another bite of my ice-cream mochi, before frowning. It doesn't taste the same as last time, and I've spent a fortune looking for the mochi that I absolutely adore. I tasted it once, and I can never find it again no matter how many pesos I spend on ones that are never the one I'm looking for.

Well, this isn't a bad one, at least not like the mango one I had a two weeks ago. It tasted horrifying. Even "horrifying" is kinda like a compliment, if I'm being honest. If Yara was here, she would've made a whole ass list of words that I can use instead of "horrifying."

I don't even know if half of the words she uses are even real words, they sound like something she would've carved out of somewhere underwater or on top of the highest point on this dumb Earth. I guess it's a perk of writing so much, but I still can't believe how poetic she can be sometimes. I do understand her, so that's good, but why keep it going when you can just use simpler words instead??

Speaking of Yara, I haven't heard a word from here ever since she told me she wanted to kill. I wasn't ready to suddenly process the words, but I knew that she was probably in a bad state right now. She told me about her mom being a bitch and physically abusing her, so I wouldn't really stop her because I believe she deserves to let it out.

She has younger siblings and "her mental health is being neglected." So even if she actually did so something to someone, it wouldn't be that much of a problem. I don't have younger siblings, but according to Yara, it's the worst. And she doesn't want them to know about the beatings she endures, but with her mom leaving clear injuries sometimes it's hard to cover them.

I wonder what her burned hand looks like, though...

I snap out of my thoughts when my phone rings briefly. I check the screen, and it's a message from Yara. I quickly stuff the mochi in my mouth as I read her text.

𒊹︎ 𝖨 𝖽𝗂𝖽 𝗂𝗍

I read the same three words for multiple times, and with each time it feels like I realize it just now. It feels kind of fun, how my online friend has literally killed someone, telling me that she did as if she drank water. The involvement I have in this is really fun.

But at the same time, I wonder how she did it.

She has always been less energetic than me, but not boring. Like, she did have energy, just not the same as mine, and that wasn't enough for me to label her as boring and dump her away. After all, she does deal with a lot of shit, so I wouldn't really be energetic if I was constantly being beaten up by my mom.

Regardless, that's not enough to comprehend how she actually killed someone. What weapon did she use? And how did she deal with them later?

I don't find it confusing that I don't give a single shit about whoever just died, because I would also kill if I could. But I don't, because I can't. I'm not a professional in hiding traces like Yara, and I don't think I can manage to control myself and not kill several people instead of one.