forbidden [h.s.]

twenty one.

this is saoirse ronan. she plays georgia in this book. you'll meet her in a bit (:

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jade's pov

You love him, Jade. You love Harry.

No, you don't. Harry is no good for Jade. He's destroying you. He'll get you in trouble.

He wouldn't do that. Harry loves Jade. Harry loves me. He told me. Harry would never do anything to hurt Jade.

He lied to you. He took advantage of you. Now, look where he's gotten you. He didn't take care of you. Mason would have. Your partner would have. You love Mason.

"Stop it!" I scream and my eyes finally snap open. I sit up in my bed and my hands immediately reach for the sides of my head, where the painful red scars remain.

My heart pounds rapidly in my chest and I look frantically around the darkness of my cell. I'm okay. I thought I was strapped down onto that table again. Whatever they've done to me is literally fucking with my mind. I can't tell what I want anymore. I'm not sure how I feel about anything.

I don't like this feeling. I don't even know who I am sometimes. I can't remember certain things about myself. I can't remember things that I like or dislike. I don't like not knowing who I am. It makes me feel crazy. But, I'm not crazy. Right?

I sigh and lie back down on my bed. I hate it here. There isn't even a window in my room. I'm never sure what time of day it is. I'll lose my mind here. They're going to hurt me again, I can feel it.

I wince as the sides of my head begin to throb. My hands fly up to my temples, attempting to stop the pain. But, there's no pain. They're not doing anything to me, so why does it feel like it hurts?

This is all Harry's fault.

No! It's not! I'm just as much to blame as he is.

Damn! I don't know what's right anymore. I hope the effects of this wear off soon. I want my mind back.

I remember seeing Harry a few days ago. How long ago was that? So much went on inside of my head. For the most part, I wanted to hurt him when I saw him. I wanted to hurt him because he hurt me, right?

But something inside me was telling me that wasn't right. It was telling me that I was happy to see him, relieved even. I wanted to hug him and kiss him, but that part of me was continuously snuffed out by whatever bullshit procedure they've done to me.

I can't remember much about what happened after the treatment. I remember seeing Harry before they did this to me. I remember screaming. I remember them putting the shocking ball thingies on both sides of my head and shocking me every time I thought something nice about Harry. They would tell me the exact opposite of whatever I'd thought, and then they'd shock me again.

And that's all I have. I don't remember anything that Harry said to me or anything that I said to him. I think the effects have worn off for the most part. I'm able to speak my own thoughts again and I feel like I have control, but every so often, I argue with myself on how to feel about everything. Especially Harry.

A heavy knock on the metal door startles me. My hand flies up to my heart and I gasp.

It's just the door Jade. You're fine.

But, why a knock? Who here is polite enough to knock? Normally they just barge in.

I furrow my eyebrows and stand up, supporting myself on the walls of the cell. Are they expecting me to open it? I can't do that from the inside.