The Unspoken Diary of a Namibian Girl

Part 48

Dear Diary,

My heart is heavy, and it's been that way for a while. I've been teetering on the edge of confessing my feelings to Mark, but there's a part of me that's repelled by the idea. Why? Well, because I can't shake the feeling that he's given up on wanting something more with me. It's like he's moved on or decided that we're just good as friends. And it's this uncertainty that's been gnawing at my soul.

You see, Mark actually means a lot to me. I have learnt that he's not just any guy; he's someone who's brought so much goodness into my life. He's the one I can't stop thinking about, the one who makes my heart race and my thoughts wander. But it's not that simple, and that's what's been tearing me apart.

Am I stupid for feeling this way? It's a question that's been on a loop in my mind. I question the validity of my emotions, wonder if I'm reading too much into things, or if my heart is just playing tricks on me. But one thing I've learned is that you can't control how you feel. Emotions don't follow logic, and they don't come with instruction manuals. They just happen.

So, I decided to do something that has always brought me solace in times of confusion and chaos. I decided to pray about it. AGAIN! Not to say I am the most religious person, but there's something comforting about turning to a higher power when you're lost. I figured, God can actually handle this better than anyone else.

Guess what I prayed for? I know it might sound silly and hilarious to you but I asked for a sign, a signal of whether I should pursue my feelings for Mark or let them go. It felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off my chest, and I found a semblance of peace. It was almost like handing over the reins of my heart to a force greater than me.

Talk to you soon

Iyaloo