Lost In Her

EIGHTY-SIX

Jayme didnt stay long because she has to work this morning but i have something I have to do this monring as well.

My breath is shaky as i open up her text que, "I need to get my stuff from your place."

"Okay," is all she says.

I dont know why i take a second look in the mirror, scared of how I am going to look to her. I cant help but run my fingers over the spot Jayme left. I still havent been able to go to class becuase of her, I dont know what I was thinking when I sent that text message; I want to back out but dont want to seem overtly weak.

Luckily with my tuition I get a free bus pass. Dani's place isnt too far off the line. I fidget at the bus stop and during the entire ride.

Being in front of the familiar building is terrifying. The last time I was here is when everything fell apart, when I fell apart.

My feet trudge up the stairs as I try to elongate the time I have left until I see her again. Before I can backtrack, I am at her door. A door that I once stood in front of to suprise her; my body tingles thinking about what followed the last time she opened the door to me. I shakily knock and wait for the inevitable.

The door swings open almost as soon as I knock and I step back at the sight of her. She looks disheveled, like she had just finished crying.

"Is that how little I meant to you?" she cries. "Was I really that insignificant?"she backs up, inviting me in the door.

"No," is all I can muster with a tight chest, shutting the door without turning around. "You meant everything to me," I add, gaining confidence. "You meant so much to me that you broke me. You destroyed me."

"Please," she begs and takes a step towards me. "Please give me another chance." Her hands shakily reach for me and brush away a tear I didn't know I shed. Her other hand brushes over the spot on my neck.

"I don't know if I can. I don't think I could live through losing you again."

"I can't promise that I'll never hurt you again but I wish I could. You are the only thing that made me feel right."

"But im not a thing Dani," I push her hands away. "I'm not a possession."

"I know you're not, I know that. It's just hard for me to give up control."

"Why?" I ask. "Why can you not give up control."

She reaches for me again, "Because the last time I did I tried to kill myself." Her voice breaks. "I had no control over anything so I tried to control the only thing I could: being alive."

"Why did you never tell me?" I push.

"I didn't want you to love me differently," she says, something I had said to her before.

"Don't you think I of all people would understand?"