I want to go
But I do not have the guts
Nor the right reasons to.
I just want to go.
For a while now I've imagined
The entire place breaking out in flames,
Or the earth gaping open,
Swallowing us whole.
I've imagined telling them I couldn't do it anymore
Telling them I've had enough, that I'm dying here.
That everyday, though I smile and laugh and horse around
I am miserable.
I am no longer happy to be here.
But I just keep it to myself.
Because I can't unleash a tidal wave of emotions;
I can't let the volcano inside me explode;
Without expecting destruction, hurt and pain.
Because I am afraid of flying
Outside the walls I've built for safety
Out into the woods of uncertainty
Out in the face of change.
Because I know I'm not strong enough
To stare fear in the face
No matter how small, irrational and weak it might be
I feel smaller, weaker.
I feel like I am drowning
In warm, soothing waters
And I refuse to swim up to the surface
Where the air is frigid and hard.
How long can I wait?
How long can I hold my breath?
Will I stay alive until I am saved?
Or am I already dead because of myself?
YOU ARE READING
Thoughts on the Train
PoesiaAn hour in the morning. An hour at night. I take the train to and from work six days a week. Sometimes I read or watch videos on my phone to pass the time. Other times, when my mind grows quiet, words start stringing out of me like rabbits in a magi...
