Contemplative Sensitivity

The Magazine

Erwin enjoyed going to Nile's house. The reason was because Nile had a big treehouse in his backyard. It was better than just a plain old bedroom; it was outside and separate from the main house and it was something that Nile could truly say was his own. The boys would hang out in the little wooden house every time Erwin went over--even in the winter. So it was no surprise that about two month after Levi's party, February, that the two boys were huddled together in the tree house. Erwin had on his warmest hat and his favorite red mittens and snow effective boots, as it had just snowed a few days before his visit, and Nile had on his warmest coat and best shoes. They had climbed the creaking, brown, wooden ladder and made themselves at home. 

Erwin took off his mittens and blew out his breathe. It came out in a hot steam. Nile, who was rummaging around in a box that was in the corner, stopped what he was doing and gave Erwin a look. 

"I thought you were done with the dragon thing," Nile said teasingly. 

"Dragons are cool," Erwin shrugged and turned his face from Nile. He was trying to hide his blush. 

"For little kids," Nile shook his head. "You'll be thirteen soon. You aren't gonna be so little anymore. I should know because I just turned thirteen." 

"Yeah, yeah. I was never little, Nile." Erwin put his mittens back on and stared at his feet. It seemed to Erwin that he'd never stop growing. Soon their little man cave would be too small for him. "I've always been big. I'm gonna be taller than you. I'll be too big for this place." 

Nile ignored Erwin and continued his search in the box. Curious, Erwin asked, "What are you looking for, man?"

"My cousin stopped by a few days ago and he gave me a magazine," Nile said in a huffy voice. "But I can't find it! I could have sworn I put it up here, Erwin. I'll be in too much trouble if my parents found it." 

Erwin arched his eyebrow. "What kind of magazine was it? Was it Macho-Men Monthly?" 

Nile shoved Erwin's shoulder. "Quit it."

Nile had pushed Erwin hard enough that he slid from his seat a little and they both heard a crumpling sound. 

"I think I sat on it," Erwin said in surprise. 

Erwin reached under his bum and lifted the rumpled up magazine. He gave the cover a once over and let out a yelp. Nile snatched it from him and tried to smooth down the paper. 

"Why is there a naked lady on the magazine?" Erwin asked incredulously. 

Nile looked at Erwin and then back at the magazine before he spoke. "It's like a pin up magazine. My cousin gave it to me and told me it was a about time for me to know such things."

"Why the heck do you need to know about naked people?" Erwin squinted his eyes in confusion. 

Nile rolled his own. "I used to be the slow one but right now, Erwin, you are taking the cake. He gave me this because I told him that I had a...a weird dream okay?"

"So this is supposed to help you?" Erwin asked as if it was the dumbest thing he had ever heard. 

Nile pondered this. "I'm not sure. My cousin just forced it in my hand after I told him. He was gone like right after. I guess it's supposed to help--anyway, have you had any weird dreams?" 

"No," Erwin said without thinking. 

"Maybe you don't get it," Nile said softly. He put the magazine down and looked Erwin straight in the eyes. "I mean dreams that make your thing stand up by the time you wake up--have you had any of those." 

"You mean a nocturnal emission?" 

"What the heck is that?"

"I learned it in health class. I keep forgetting you are a year behind me, Nile," Erwin said roughly. "I've never had a dream like that. Why, have you?"

"You must have some form of short term memory loss," Nile said in an annoyed tone. "I had a dream about your cousin. Cecily. I've never told anyone about it, so keep your mouth shut. Anyway, in my dream, she was cutting her hair off and as it fell...something inside me felt good. Gosh, I don't know. But I woke up and my underwear was soiled with white stuff--"

"Sperm," Erwin nodded his head nonchalantly. 

"Whatever! I wanted to show you this magazine because I thought you and I were both having these weird dreams and I believe my cousin. He said I should know about it and so I'll do my best," Nile said quickly. His cheeks were red. 

Erwin, for a few seconds, didn't know what to say to Nile. But then it hit him, "Wait, so you like Cecily?" 

Nile tossed the magazine at Erwin's stomach in embarrassment. "Don't tell anyone! I think I do. I dunno. I never thought she was anything to look at before but now that her hair is gone and she's got boobs...its weird." 

"I won't tell anyone," Erwin offered Nile a small smile. "This is your secret. Its not mine to share, so I won't tell her or Mike or Levi," Erwin looked at the magazine. The half naked woman had large breasts and long flowing black hair. For some reason, it made Erwin's stomach churn. "However, I do think your cousin is misleading you about this stuff. If you are already experiencing this kind of sexual frustration, this woman here isn't going to change that. As a matter of fact, she might make it worse." 

"What about the others," Nile said stupidly. "You haven't even opened it." 

Erwin sighed. "I'm not going to. This sort of crap doesn't interest me at all."

Nile was quiet for a minute before he grabbed the magazine once more. "Do you have anyone you're interested in, Erwin?" He tossed the magazine into the box. 

"Yeah," Erwin said distantly. "I'm interested in Levi." 

"That's weird man," Nile made a face. "He's awfully dark and quiet. Its hard to believe he's your brother." 

Erwin laughed. "Yeah. He means the world to me. He's the only one I'm interested in. I mean, yeah--there's Mike and Cecily and you, but Levi makes me feel like I'm missing something important."

"You have a few screws loose," Nile deadpanned. 

"I probably do," Erwin giggled. "When I'm with Levi, it's like that doesn't matter, though. He knows how to manage me because, believe it or not, I'm not perfect. He knows I'm not. And he knows that I know he isn't perfect and that's why we balance each other out. Its hard to explain--but its like I can relax around him so that's why I'm interested in him." 

"That's different," Nile said as he put on his mittens. "It sounds like you really care about him, Erwin." 

"I do. I love him," Erwin said seriously. 

"I won't tell anyone," Nile said. "Let's go. I'm going to come up here later and throw the magazine away but for now, let's get a snack out of pantry." 

"I'll settle for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich," Erwin loved those. 

"Sure thing," Nile said thoughtfully. "I'll ask my mom to make you one."