Contemplative Sensitivity

Funeral's Past

Farlan and his father sat staring straight ahead, dressed in all black from head to toe and neither had said a word. Mr. Church barely acknowledged any of the guests when they arrived for the procession. Isabel's father, Mr. Carter, had been more welcoming, although it was evident he had yet to stop crying himself to sleep. It had been a few days since the accident and Mr. Carter looked like he dropped twenty pounds.

Levi himself was no better. When he became a Junior in High School, Levi started going to the gym and putting on muscle to make up for his small stature. It took him five years to reach his goal, but do to the stress and anxiety, Levi seemed to have lost muscle mass and weight. Levi had deep bags under his eyes and his fingernails had been chewed to nothing. Farlan looked like shit too; he was still  bruised and couldn't walk, but he demanded the doctor release him so that he could attend his mother's and cousin's funeral.

Martha squeezed Erwin's hand, pulling him out of his thoughts. To his left, Harold and Desmonia cried and sniveled. 

"She had such a bright future," Harold cried. "All of it was taken from her...and she was her father's only child."

"I couldn't bear the thought of losing our children," Desmonia blew her nose. "I can't imagine how they feel right now." 

Erwin looked away. He suddenly remembered the funeral for Annie. Erwin swallowed his bile, and left his mother to speak to Cecily, Mike, and Nile. They stood, huddled near the ashes. Nile looked morbidly eager to touch the containers, but Cecily kept smacking his hand away and calling him inconsiderate. Mike had a far away look in his eyes.

"I can't believe that they are in these jars," Nile said sadly. "Isabel is never going to be able to brush your hair again, Cecily. Mrs. Church isn't ever going to bake her famous pies. How can it be that a person so full of life can be turned to dust?"

"Farlan still hasn't said a word," Mike said quietly. "I'm worried about him."

"Mr. Carter is holding onto his pain medication," Cecily whispered. "He's got it locked away in a safe. It's not just Farlan he's guarding the pills from. Mr. Church doesn't seem like he has much of a will to live either."

"Farlan doesn't think he should have survived," Erwin said. "It's called survivors remorse. He needs to be carefully monitored."

"Guys, this is very heavy stuff we're talking about and we're already at a funeral," Nile said sheepishly. "How about we talk about something else?"

"What else is there to talk about?" Cecily snapped. "Cracking a joke won't lighten the mood, Nile."

"Jesus," Nile glared at her. "I just think it's a lot, okay."

Cecily started to tear up. "I do too, okay...but in a way--Farlan's lucky. His mother will be with him forever. He will have her ashes until his days come to an end. Mrs. Church will always be close by."

"Cecily," Erwin said in a warning. "This isn't the time to make it about you. Please." 

Cecily turned bright red. "I wasn't! I-I am just so--! I'm sorry, I can't right now," she runs out of the parlor with Nile close behind her. 

Erwin and Mike watched them leave. Mike gave his brother a tired look. "Erwin...I don't think what you said was right."

"Mike. She was making it about her. She was making it about her mother," Erwin said quietly. "And you fucking know it."

"But Erwin," Mike said sadly. "We had to read our letters at some point, and you know how she had such high hopes. It doesn't matter if we aren't kids anymore--Cecily is going to need years to heal her scars. You're right--this isn't the right place for her to say such things, but it was her way of empathizing. She didn't say it out of jealousy. Cecily said it because it was a good thing for Farlan. He'll never be without his mother."