Contemplative Sensitivity

Unravel

The day they returned home from Mavis' house, John was outside, in the heat, wearing paint smeared overalls. If he had noticed Martha's obvious discomfort, he chose to ignore it and he welcomed Erwin and Levi into the house. His demeanor was jovial--as if he really had something amazing to share. He led the boys (Martha immediately went to her room) to Levi's room and opened the door and although he had a smile on his face, his eyes weren't so inviting. John kept his eyes on Levi as he watched the boy take in the scenery.

Levi's room had been torn down and remodeled into a vivid pink nursery that smelled of anticipation, fear, baby powder and fresh paint. Erwin, unsure how to feel, stayed back. Levi had no reaction.

"You are having a little sister," John said happily. "She'll be here shortly! This is going to be her room, now."

Erwin was expecting Levi to put up a fight. Accuse John of being a prick. Maybe punch John in the stomach or step on his foot. To give John a piece of his mind. Anything. Instead, to Erwin's surprise, Levi stood still and said not a word.

"We rearranged Erwin's room," John continued. Something in his voice had changed. "Now there's two beds in there. You boys are gonna have to share again," he then turned to Erwin, "I hope that's okay."

Something in Erwin began to heat with anger, but the well mannered young man kept his tongue. How dare John act as if Levi's say had no meaning? How dare John act as if it was only his own feelings that mattered? How dare John disregard his brother?!

"I--," Erwin was about to say but Levi stopped him with the briefest, gentlest of touches; he nudged Erwin's knuckle with his finger.

"Do you think I did a good job on the room," John asked Levi. His tone wasn't benevolent; he was challenging the boy. "I'm sorry we didn't tell you, but it had to be done and it had to be done quick."

Levi took a small step backward from his former room. He regarded Erwin with a small nod and said to John,

"You're an evil man, aren't you?"

That was the last thing Levi said to John. He never said another thing to Martha.

About two week after that, the Dwyers learned about the pregnancy and were supportive, but Levi reported that he heard Desmonia say that John's scheming wouldn't get either of the Browns anywhere. Cecily was pissed that Martha and John would do something so snidely. Mike couldn't believe John had the balls.

Martha's appearance was absolutely haggard. She was constantly yellow and always tired and she complained of swollen feet. It seemed like pregnancy was not easy on her and although her stomach eventually became round, Levi and Erwin (to some extent) did all they could to avoid her.

About a week after Martha and John told the Dwyers, John had gone out with some buddies and Levi was spending time with Isabel and Farlan. Only Erwin and Martha were in the house. Erwin had the intention of staying in his room, reading the latest Iron Man comic, but that was foiled when he heard Martha weeping. Concerned, he got up from his post and eased his way into the master bedroom. His mother sat on the edge of the, clutching the sheet, her yellow face scrunched up and sad.

"Mom, what's wrong?" Erwin asked her softly.

"Everything," she sobbed. When Erwin made movement to come to her side, she held her hand up to stop him. "Your dad is so happy about this baby. I should be happy but I'm not--I'm terrified."

Erwin, helpless, only listened.

"I haven't raised a baby in years, Erwin." She sniffled. "I essentially had to raise Harold after our parents died. He was only a week old and I was six. When they sent us to live with our forgetful grandmother, I cooked, cleaned, and taught Harold everything I could. Look how he turned out! Harold is a joker and he doesn't have the right manners. His wife loves him, but I am appalled by his behavior. It was sort of a relief to learn that John had the fertility issues, you know? I was happy to adopt--I may have been ignorant about a few things, but I've accepted the challenges. But then we adopted you two and nothing is going right! Now I'm pregnant with my own flesh and blood and it's terrifying. If you boys aren't happy, then how will this new baby be happy? I'm just not cut out to be a mother."