Contemplative Sensitivity

Discontent

The next four days were lovely. Initially, neither boy knew what to expect of their adoptive grandmother. If anything, they expected her to be like her son--quiet and calculative and univiting. Mavis was the opposite and Levi, oddly, was sure it wasn't just the drugs talking. Erwin was surprised that he liked her as much as he did.

Because of the lack of food in Mavis' house, the three of them mainly survived on take out--chiness food was a must. Mavis had many questions about the orphanage and she also had many questions about Levi's birthday party. She was happy to hear that Levi had a wonderful time. Unused to such praise from a woman (not even Desmonia had been so generous with the compliments), Levi was a red cheeked mess. His blushing made Erwin giggle.

They hadn't brought up the new baby at all since the first day. The last night they were to stay at their granfmother's, Erwin and Levi had made sure she had taken her red pill and was sound asleep before they cuddled together on the couch. Erwin, long and lean, spooned Levi. It was moderately uncomfortable but it felt nice to hold Levi. It had always been the other way around when they were younger.

"Hey, Levi," Erwin said softly.

"Uh," was Levi's response.

"We've been together for almost seven years," Erwin said. It felt so surreal.

"Uh huh," Levi said simply. "You were so short back then."

"You were so sad," Erwin sad absentmindedly.

Levi ignored that. "You know, John isn't the best parent, but at least we are in this together."

"Yeah," Erwin smiled. "I'm so glad. If you had been separated from me, I dunno what I would have done."

"Probably nothing," Levi said.

Something in Levi's voice sounded funny. "What do you mean?"

"Erwin," Levi started. "You're the kind of dude to let things slide too easily. You don't fight for what matters to you."

"You aren't making sense." Erwin started to get up but stopped. "Sometimes things can't be helped. That's reality. "

"You don't get what I'm saying, Erwin." Levi sounded incredibly sleepy. "I guess I mean you should express your feelings more."

With that, Erwin fell silent. He listened to Levi's calm, steady breathing and soon he realized the boy had fallen asleep. It was dark and quiet except for the old clock ticking. Erwin breathed in Levi's faint chestnut soap smell. He gently pulled Levi in closer to him; the smaller boy was so warm and eventually that warmth lulled Erwin into sleep.

Erwin began to dream. He dreamed of Levi. The Levi in his dream was all blush and no bite. He was smiling and Erwin was enamored. Both boys were standing knee deep in clear water. Every time Erwin said something, Levi smiled and appeared to be content. But as Erwin tried to grab Levi's hand, Levi would suddenly be ten feet from him. It happened every time. Confused and hurt, Erwin called out:

"Why do you run from me? I want to be with you!"

The dream Levi, many feet away, replied:

"The moment I let you love me is the moment you'll let me go."

"HEY," a voice boomed.

Erwin was startled awake. Levi was struggling against him. "There's something hard poking my butt. Quit it, Erwin, let me go."

Startled and groggy, Erwin let him go. Levi rolled onto the floor and stared up at the blonde. His eyes were wide with curiosity. Warily, Erwin asked what the deal was.

"Your pants are poking outward," Levi said. "How did you make it do that while you were asleep?"

Alarmed, Erwin looked at himself. His pants had a tent in them. Temporarily forgetting that Levi was still watching, Erwin peaked in his underwear and saw that they were stained with white stuff. Erwin went bright red and covered himself.

"That's kinda cool," Levi said suddenly.

"Stop looking! Its bad," Erwin shout whispered. He couldn't tell Levi what'd happened. "I think I peed myself a little," he lied.

"I told you to use the bathroom before bed, but you didn't listen to me," Levi chastised.

Unbelievably embarrassed, Erwin hopped up (he still had an semi-erection) and hobbled to the bathroom. Levi whispered that he'd warm up the leftover spring rolls when Erwin shut the door. He ran the sink cold and splashed his face. He tried to think unhappy thoughts--anything to calm himself. Had Nile felt this way when he had his first wet dream?

Erwin uttered a whinper; he had just barely turned thirteen. If he was gonna get a junpstart in puberty, it only meant he was to grow taller. Things would only get more awkward.

A few hours later, there was a single honk. Mavis had walked herself out of her room and her eyes were clear; she hadn't taken her pain medication at all. Levi and Erwin were all packed up and ready to go. She kissed each boy on the cheek.

"I'll be here a while," she said warmly. "Call me when you feel down. Go on, get."

"You don't want to see mom and dad?" Erwin asked.

Mavis shook her head. Levi, smug, nodded in approval. Erwin shrugged and the two boys walked out of the dark house; there were surprised to see Martha, alone.

"Where's dad?" Levi asked in surprise. He was mildly disappointed in John's absence; he really wanted to rip him a new one. 

"Your father is taking care of a few things," Martha hustled them into the car. "Have you eaten recently?"

"We aren't hungry," Levi cut in before Erwin could even form the words. The two were in buckled into the car and it was quiet for a few minutes as Martha drove away from Mavis' house. Erwin watched the small house get smaller and smaller. Levi spoke, "What exactly is dad doing, Mom?"

Martha, unsettled, glanced quickly at the boys via the mirror. "Its a surprise, Levi."

Levi was ready to fight. Erwin, still unnerved by his first wet dream, closed his eyes and waited for Levi to drop the bomb. He only glanced at Levi once before he quietly sighed to himself.

"Mom, why did you keep the baby a secret," Levi asked very softly, but there was venom in voice.

Martha gripped the steering wheel harder. "Levi. Not. Now."

"If not now then when, mom?" Levi asked.

"Levi," Martha said plaintively. "Please. Not now. John and I will tell you all about it when we get home. I'm sorry, okay?"

After a few more minutes of tense, cold silence, Levi asked, "Who's room did you guys turn into the nursery?"

Erwin, silent but suddenly concerned, stared directly at the back of Martha's head. He prayed that they decided to renovate his room instead of Levi's, but Martha's answer was not so kind. 

"It was yours," Martha answered without emotion.