Get Me High [COMPLETED]

GMH 19

SAN

I love you too? Surely those words weren't real? If he was being honest none of this felt real to him. Holding Wooyoung in his arms. Kissing him. Everything. But one thing that definitely felt real to him more than anything were his feelings. San had never been this sure about his own feelings since the day he's hooked up with anyone. He was so happy but at the same time overwhelmed. The things that Wooyoung made him feel were just out of this world. The hold he had him on him. He found himself leaning back in to feel his perfect lips against his again but Wooyoung put his hands on his chest and stopped him.

San looked at him and chuckled awkwardly. "Sorry,... I just... I can't help myself. "

Wooyoung didn't say anything. His silence making San nervous. The rain had long stopped and now just a slight drizzle but they were both drenched.

"Do you want to go back to mine? You haven't been there in a while. You can just wear my clothes and... "

"San"

"Yeah? "

"We can't"

"We can't what? You don't want to sleep at my place? I mean that's fine, we can just..."

"San. I'm not talking about that. " he cut him off.

He felt his heart sink. "What do you mean? "

Wooyoung hoisted himself off the car hood. "This right here. We can't"

"Wooyoung you just said you loved me like two seconds ago"

"I know"

"Then why? You feel the same way as I do. I was so worried that this was all just me but do you know how relieving and happy i was to hear you say those words? There's literally nothing stopping us so why.... "

"San! " Wooyoung grabbed him by his collar. He could feel his hands trembling and San knew it wasn't from being cold and wet.

"Do you not realize what this means?! Yes, I do love you. So what? It's just... a little crush. It'll go away. It has to! I'm not in any position to even think about acting on such fleeting emotions San. I don't even understand what's going on with myself to begin with
and honestly speaking I don't want to know. I'm not stupid enough to lie to you and say I don't love you. Because I do. More than you can imagine"

"Then that's all I need. Your feelings are enough" San pleaded, terrified of where this conversation was heading.

"No. It's not! It's not enough to make me want to be with you that way. I just can't. I can't look at you that way without feeling disgusted with myself. Even right now, just the fact that we kissed and I liked it doesn't mean I won't cry myself to sleep later beating myself up for having feelings for you. A fucking male for that matter! I'm not..gay...It's not... it doesn't... Fuck! You wouldn't get it! "