There's Just Hope // Lottienat

Chapter 5

Once more the now dark, hollow forrest was consumed by a seering cry. I had never fallen asleep, wide awake to be shaken by the very beginning of the long agonizing howl, shifting up swiftly to rest against my elbow. A hand took hold of the arm that leveraged me up. I turned. My head on a swivel. Lottie. Her eyes looked to mine as adrenaline consumed her, you would never even think the girl was asleep only a moment ago. The fire had died with only warm kindling producing faint light, yet still I vaguely made out two girls rushing toward the sound, their footsteps rushing past me. I got up instinctively, joining by their side. Tai, Van and me now stood in front of Coach's unconscious body, Misty with the axe in hand, ash red irradiating from the metal. 

"What the fuck Misty!" Tai let out

"I had to stop the bleeding for good."

The hot iron gave off a weak light as it lingered by Coach's leg. I felt myself grow nauseous at the sight of his now burnt, bloodied skin beginning to prickle with unnatural bumps. Nausea grew and the floor began to spin but i couldn't drag my eyes away. The sound of soft footsteps grew behind me and then a hand gripped my shoulder while a shaky breath played against my neck. I whipped around placing both my hands on Lottie's shoulders pushing her back near the previous fire. "Is Coach ok?" she whimpered. 

"He'll be okay let's just go back to bed." My tone coming out deeper and harsher than i intended with the previous hours spent in silence. "I don't think i can sleep after that." She admitted while plopping herself back where we were laying wrapping a blanket around her shoulders. I sat back down beside her sighing. Silence followed as i began to glance over the girls that remained asleep.

"How long do you think we'll last?" Lottie whispered, her tone steady, her words impassive. I looked to her, meeting her eyes. "I thought you to be full hope and faith and all that crap." She simply turned and began to study the burning embers of the fire. "If no one comes for us... how long do you think we have." She continued. I took a moment to contemplate my response. To weigh out the importance of honesty over optimism in this situation. 

"I think..." I  finally began, "a lot of us will make it a pretty long time." 

She turned to meet my eyes again, studying my features carefully in hopes of it giving her further insight as she sought to decrypt my words. She seemed satisfied enough with her conclusion as she laid her head back down upon her makeshift pillow. I stayed sitting momentarily taking a breath before following her movement, lying closely beside her.

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I dug my bare hands through the rough dirt, Van mirroring my actions beside me. I looked up briefly to catch my breath and wipe the layer of thin sweat that lay on my forehead with the back of my hand. I watched as Shauna refilled Javi's cup of water with an extra care that she would not offer to the rest of the team. I then observed Lottie fix Laura lee's headband gently as they shared a smile. And then Jackie walked in front of my gaze, restricting any of my further monitoring. I looked up to her as she paused about to speak. And then she glanced to Van. And then she turned - walking away swiftly. I looked to Van as she continued to unearth the soil.

"Come on Scatorccio, stop slacking off." She joked but her voice held a serious undertone. I obeyed continuing to dig beside her. "Would you give Jackie a break." I let out thoughtlessly, my voice tired. 

"Why should I? She left us to die Nat." 

I shook my head, "She was trying to keep Shauna safe." 

"No she was being selfish, trying to save herself."

I rolled my eyes at this, Van's stubbornness beginning to frustrate me. "Look you can have whatever opinion you want on the situation but you acting like a dick to her won't make your time here easier." 

She scoffed before mumbling, "I disagree." 

"You can't control how people react to danger Van." I stopped digging looking up to her as she avoided my gaze, looking off into the woods. I turned back to the ground giving up as i continued to dig.

"So you and Lottie huh?" She said cautiously, changing the subject.

"What?" I continued my task as i felt her eyes linger on me awaiting my regard.

"You slept together." her taunting voice light and airy, like we were back gossiping in her bedroom.

This made my head turn, my eyes squinting with malice. "We did what?"

"Come on you know what i mean. You slept beside her instead of me."

"She fell asleep while we were talking." i dismissed, "Why you jealous." I redirected playfully

"No i just didn't know the two of you were close."

"We're not." i went back to digging

"Seems like it."

"Ya fine i guess we are a bit close Van, i don't know we were just talking. Whatever you want to call that." 

Van caught on to my growing disinterest with the subject, thankfully letting it go. 

"You know, if you really want..." i turned to her again, my voice more facetious as i wiggled my eyebrows. She met my gaze with a knowing sigh. "I could sleep with you tonight." 

She scoffed a laugh, "Should we really be talking about acts of fornication while we dig graves?"

A pause. My eyes widened.

"...acts of fornication...?" another beat passed and then we broke into fits of laughter.

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We gathered around the finished graves making a circle. We held hands. Laura lee said some words - and then some prayers. Most of the girls that didn't make it were on JV. In other words we didn't know them well. But Coach Martinez - we knew him well. We all paid our respects regardless, the loss getting to some people more than others. I personally felt a bit numb. Not that that was something new. I was familiar with loss. Though that didn't aid the pit that gnawed in my stomach since the crash. I felt myself grow anxious, my mind racing, unable to focus on Laura lee's ongoing disquisition. Though the deaths didn't exactly affect me in the traditional sense they were symbolic of the first of many - and this was a much more terrifying prospect to me. My pessimism took over. I began to look around the group rashly, analyzing my friends' features, their mannerisms, things i had already knew well but now made an effort to set to lasting memory. I looked to Van, her eyes washed over with growing tears, though she would never let herself cry. There was a reason i wouldn't even consider leaving her on the plane. For if she were not to exist with me - in this purgatory - i might as well have been dead already. My eyes wandered to Lottie, her growing importance in my life also terrifying. I decided not to dwell on the complicated subject. And then Jackie, a piece of me always warm for her despite the criticism she receives. You had to be gentle with Jackie, a thing i didn't know i was capable of before her. Similarly, Laura lee also surprisingly achieved my affinity. Her innocence was refreshing, a great contrast to my life and experiences, and i wished for nothing more than to help keep her retain it for as long as possible. Javi as well. My eyes grew tired as i looked his way. His reserved yet resilient demeanour through the entropy reminded me of myself at his age. I shook my head before letting it hang dejected. I could not allow myself to become attached - but i feared i already had. 

A hand touched my shoulder softy, nonetheless startling me. I then grasped that everyone had left, trailing back to the campsite while i remained. I met Lottie's thoughtful eyes. "Are you okay?" 

I hugged her tightly, her hands following suite around my waist a moment later. My chin resting atop her shoulder, her hair tickled my cheek.

"Promise me something." i murmured

"Anything." she breathed in my ear

"Promise me you wont leave me."

A pause. The hushed tranquility only bringing anxiety.

"I wouldn't dare."