CHECKERED FLAG - c.l [2]

sixteen

Charles POV:

I knew it the second I saw her leave the paddock, away into the backrooms of her mind where she kept all her hidden voices and secrets.

I knew her answer before she even spoke, watching her eyes flicker under the light, her hair dancing in the wind as it reflected in the light, soft colours of chocolate, I could practically feel the softness of it caressing through my fingers.

I had been here before.

Standing before her, waiting for her to answer me, to tell me she would stay and give me another chance, I knew that day all too well and I had ran through every single second of it since it ever happened, wishing there was another outcome, for her sake.

The nights we spent together, tangled limbs in the early mornings and hushed whispers waiting for someone else to make the first move, she was just as beautiful as the day I had met her.

I knew I would never meet another soul as innocent and as pure as hers and I wish I had realised that far sooner, to cherish her and hold her longer when I had the chance, to do the right thing and not mess her around.

I had wished for all of those things since the last time she left the paddock and I knew, deep down she would never forgive me much to her acceptance of my apologises, I knew she still felt that pain I had inflicted on her.

It kills me.

'Dear Charles,

Hold her when she is angry, wipe her tears when she cries, give her space when she asks for it. She is a simple woman but will never admit it.

Cherish her kind heart as she has forgiven you in the past and I'm sure she will again.

You're a good man Charles, I wouldn't of given you my blessing if I didn't think you were, but now I am no longer here to look after her, I give you that role to protect her.

But please, if she wants to walk,

Let her go.

- Phil Scott.'

There was only so much I could do and say to try and undo all of that pain and god it killed me, watching her sit on the end of the bed at night when she thought I was asleep because I knew, all she was thinking about was what I had done to her.

Battling her own mind to try and convince herself that there was hope for us to ever work.

Before, I had never thought about what would've happened if she had said no, if she had truly and wholeheartedly turned me away for the last time, said it with her whole being.

But now, when I look at her, letting my hand meet the side of her face, her skin radiating warmth into me like no one else had before, I knew.

'If she wants to walk, let her go.'

The thought of going on without her killed me, my chest heaving in a way I hadn't felt in a very long time, my whole body shutting down, but I stood tall and tried my hardest to brace myself for her denial.

For her to walk away.

I wouldn't put her through this again, she far from deserved that, no matter how much I wanted to be selfish and hold her away from the rest of the world, stop her from reaching her full protentional by trapping her with me, I couldn't do that to her again.

Maybe, in some place far away, we worked, I didn't crush her the way I did, beating her down until there was merely a walking skeleton, maybe I did things right and we got to live out the destiny I had wished and prayed for us to have.

But I couldn't hold onto to that, not when her eyes were enough of an answer to tell me this was over.

"This was never about you."

There was no going back.